So after last Wednesday's hijinks in the nighttime with my son, I busted out all my resources. This happened, of course, after the rending of clothes due to being awake in the wee hours of the morn.
But I am nothing if not resourceful (and a librarian), so I left work early that day and headed to the public library. I checked out any and all picture books illustrating lovely children going to sleep in a lovely manner with their lovely mothers lovingly closing the bedroom door.
I also am not ashamed that I busted out the You Fall Asleep Quietly Tonight, Pal?--You Get a Trip To Toys R' Us card. (Sleep is that precious to me.)
We also dragged upstairs any and all stuffed animals, and that night Ezra was PACKEDINTIGHT with his stuffed friends.
Window shades also stayed up and the curtains remained open.
And perhaps the biggest change of all, I kept him up a full-hour past his normal bedtime (7:30ish) to not only ensure his tiredness but to also make sure his room was pretty dark when we went in for bed rather than it growing darker with him in there and thereby creeping him out.
And with T at home and not traveling, this means that Ezra and I can either walk to the playground to play for a good hour after dinner or we head to the lake to walk around and look at ducks and people and play on the coin operated payphone. As I told T (complete with twiddling fingers a la Mr. Burns) last night, "My goal is simple: wear his ass OUT."
I was worried that putting him to bed later would be disastrous with epic sleepy whining in the morning, but not really at all. He sleeps a bit later in the morning and is taking an easier and slightly longer nap mid-day. And, really, he's falling asleep at the same time each night as he was before.
Oh! And thanks to Jess and her fabulous ideas, he now has a glass Ball jar with his name on it. Each night I put a coin next to the jar and if he can fall asleep quietly and without calling me, then in the morning he can put the coin in the jar and once the jar is "full" (or close to it)--he can take the coins to Toys R' Us.
One more! Instead of walking right in and him climbing into bed, we now rock for a little bit and we say goodnight to EVERYTHING in the room.
"Goodnight, doorknobs."
"Goodnight, circles on the rug."
"Goodnight, pacis."
"Goodnight, curtains."
"Goodnight, picture-of-me-on-wall-while-still-in-Mama's-belly."
I'll spare you additional examples.
BUT!
All of these things combined have made for: a) neither me nor Ezra being awake in the middle of the night and b) Ezra being able to calm himself down enough to sleep even though he does still tell me he's scared and lonely for me as I'm closing the door.
Success, folks. And this is a good thing as I don't really have much left in my arsenal.
Tuesday, August 30
Monday, August 29
Love/hate Monday
Love: Our apple tree--the one T planted, oh, six years ago--has finally grown some apples!
Hate: I don't remember what kind they are.
Love: I have taught Ezra how to throw out his palm and tell people, "Slap it like you mean it." We said it non-stop yesterday evening.
Hate: He really puts his back into a high-five and now my palm is a little hurty.
Love: Ezra and Iris are growing like champs
Hate: Due to a cool morning, I put Ezra in some pants that could definitely be classified as man-pris. They were so, so short. I cuffed them and hoped he could pull-off of Toddler Hipster.
Love: My time with the small fries as lone wolf parent was delightful on Saturday. So much fun.
Hate: They both woke up at 6am.
Love: Iced mochas from Starbucks
Hate: My stomach really can't handle the large size anymore. It feels all kinds of churny afterwards. I have the old guts.
Love: Enjoying one of the few remaining outdoor pool days yesterday.
Hate: Folding laundry. Haaaate.
Love: Lunch!
Hate: Paying for lunch
Love: Iris cut a molar, and despite it being the longest tooth EVAR to make an appearance--it is here.
Hate: Her mouth looks so random. Chompers here, chompers there. It is jack o' lantern, folks.
Love: Day date with T on Wednesday.
Hate: In the meantime, homeboy is busy and perhaps a tick cranky
Love: Smokey links
Hate: Ezra loves him some nitrates too.
Love: The weather we've been having. 50s in the morning, high 70s in the afternoon, clear blue skies, zero humidity. So delightful.
Hate: Winter is imminent
Your loves/hates?
Hate: I don't remember what kind they are.
Love: I have taught Ezra how to throw out his palm and tell people, "Slap it like you mean it." We said it non-stop yesterday evening.
Hate: He really puts his back into a high-five and now my palm is a little hurty.
Love: Ezra and Iris are growing like champs
Hate: Due to a cool morning, I put Ezra in some pants that could definitely be classified as man-pris. They were so, so short. I cuffed them and hoped he could pull-off of Toddler Hipster.
Love: My time with the small fries as lone wolf parent was delightful on Saturday. So much fun.
Hate: They both woke up at 6am.
Love: Iced mochas from Starbucks
Hate: My stomach really can't handle the large size anymore. It feels all kinds of churny afterwards. I have the old guts.
Love: Enjoying one of the few remaining outdoor pool days yesterday.
Hate: Folding laundry. Haaaate.
Love: Lunch!
Hate: Paying for lunch
Love: Iris cut a molar, and despite it being the longest tooth EVAR to make an appearance--it is here.
Hate: Her mouth looks so random. Chompers here, chompers there. It is jack o' lantern, folks.
Love: Day date with T on Wednesday.
Hate: In the meantime, homeboy is busy and perhaps a tick cranky
Love: Smokey links
Hate: Ezra loves him some nitrates too.
Love: The weather we've been having. 50s in the morning, high 70s in the afternoon, clear blue skies, zero humidity. So delightful.
Hate: Winter is imminent
Your loves/hates?
Friday, August 26
Random useless tidbits--super shorty version
Upon seeing the peaches at the farmer's market last weekend, Ezra exclaimed, "Hey! They look like butts!"
T groaned. I laughed.
****
I just ate some cake while browsing Pinterest on a late lunch and it was delightful.
****
This morning Iris had a six month skillz evaluation by her occupational therapist and she is still doing things at her adjusted age (17 months) but is doing many more things at her actual age of 21 months. The biggest lag being her speech (ah well) and her slowly getting the hang of the walking.
At two, everyone will stop adjusting for her prematurity and it'll be weird to just think of her with "one" age.
****
It is just me and the kidlets tomorrow. Let us hope everyone naps as intended.
****
A great many things have made me Weepy Willie this week.
****
I am ready for fall and honey crisps and pumpkins and scarves and not sweating and socks.
****
Ezra keeps reminding me that he wants to be Captain Huggy Face for Halloween.
I keep reminding myself that funsize candy bars freaking rock.
****
Last night I took something out the trashcan near our garage in just a t-shirt and undies. I was too lazy to put on pants.
****
T and I have a daydate next week. It is needed.
****
On Monday, Iris will become an official member of the Toddler Room at school. She already spends most of her time playing over there and outside with them and also now sleeps on a cot.
The biggest difference will be getting the new teachers used to feeding her and having her sit at the table with the other kids while they eat. I'm bringing in a bunch of applesauce and pudding and puffs and other easily dissolvable things that they can give her while her friends eat waffles and lasagna.
It's going to be a good thing for her. She needs more stimulation and age-appropriate toys.
****
I could use some pie, my jammies and a quiet bedtime tonight.
T groaned. I laughed.
****
I just ate some cake while browsing Pinterest on a late lunch and it was delightful.
****
This morning Iris had a six month skillz evaluation by her occupational therapist and she is still doing things at her adjusted age (17 months) but is doing many more things at her actual age of 21 months. The biggest lag being her speech (ah well) and her slowly getting the hang of the walking.
At two, everyone will stop adjusting for her prematurity and it'll be weird to just think of her with "one" age.
****
It is just me and the kidlets tomorrow. Let us hope everyone naps as intended.
****
A great many things have made me Weepy Willie this week.
****
I am ready for fall and honey crisps and pumpkins and scarves and not sweating and socks.
****
Ezra keeps reminding me that he wants to be Captain Huggy Face for Halloween.
I keep reminding myself that funsize candy bars freaking rock.
****
Last night I took something out the trashcan near our garage in just a t-shirt and undies. I was too lazy to put on pants.
****
T and I have a daydate next week. It is needed.
****
On Monday, Iris will become an official member of the Toddler Room at school. She already spends most of her time playing over there and outside with them and also now sleeps on a cot.
The biggest difference will be getting the new teachers used to feeding her and having her sit at the table with the other kids while they eat. I'm bringing in a bunch of applesauce and pudding and puffs and other easily dissolvable things that they can give her while her friends eat waffles and lasagna.
It's going to be a good thing for her. She needs more stimulation and age-appropriate toys.
****
I could use some pie, my jammies and a quiet bedtime tonight.
Thursday, August 25
My typical day
I am a v. Nosey Nancy and probably the number reason I love reading blogs/am addicted to Twitter is to read daily tidbits, however mundane or deep-thought they may be.
You had some corn with dinner? Cool! Your child took only took a 20 minute nap? Let us commiserate! You decided mosquitoes and pinchy undies are the Devil's handiwork? I speak your language. You are feeling sad and lonely? Let me offer you a funny.
Anyway, I am enjoying reading about the average day of others, so here is mine...
****
5:45am: Alarm goes off. I swear a little bit. I try to think what is on my schedule and if I can get away with just pulling my hair back into a bun. Again.
6:00: Really get up and stealthily close Iris and Ezra's door so that the sound of the shower and my blow dryer doesn't wake them up.
6:00-6:30: Get ready. Wake T up at 6:30am.
6:40: Wake T up again.
6:40-7:00: While T is getting ready, I go downstairs and open the curtains, start warming up Iris' formula, turn on lights, sometimes start a load of laundry. Get our bags together.
7:00-7:30: Tell T he needs to hurry, finish doing my hair and makeup, open Ezra's door and give him kisses. Sappy moment: when I open his door, I sing a song I made up. "Good morning, good morning. It's a sunny day." I started saying/singing this when he was a baby, and now the sweetest thing is that he sings it to Iris when we go into her room. Burst. Ezra and I then go into Iris' room. She and Ezra giggle. T usually gets Ezra ready, while Iris and I race against them. (We usually win.)
7:30-8:00: We all head downstairs. Ezra, Iris and T watch "Little Bear" (haaaaate "Little Bear") while T feeds Iris. I make Iris' bottles for school, dole out shoes, give Ezra his vitamins, put my clothes, make beds, pack T a breakfast snack and sometimes give Ezra a banana to snack on.
8:00-8:45: I drive Ezra and Iris to school, stop at Starbucks and arrive at work.
8:45-9:00: Check Twitter, Gmail and work email.
9:00-5:00pm: My days vary and usually revolve around four or five major things: staffing the Reference Desk, teaching, making purchase suggestions for the collection, doing faculty research and eating snacks. I tweet throughout the day, post a blog, chat with T--I can multi-task like a mutha.
5:00: Leave to go pick up the small fries.
5:10-5:30: Wrangle everyone out of their classrooms and into the car. Wipe them both down with antibacterial wipes. I started doing this when Ezra was little because I want to nip those daycare germs in the bud. Plus the rubber meets the road once we walk in the door at home so getting everyone to wash their hands there was just waaaaay too hard.
5:30-6:00: Remind Ezra to use the potty, give out lots of kisses and hugs, fend off whining, station both kids in the playroom or at the kitchen table with books while I put stuff away and start dinner and serve it up.
6:00-6:20: Ezra eats dinner, Iris throws fruit chunks around, I keep them company at the table and T arrives home which is like the Pope walking in the door.
6:20-6:45: T plays with Ezra and Iris while I clean up dinner and wash Iris' bottles from the day. I then also get her formula ready for bed and get their rooms ready for bedtime (close curtains, get jammies out, fill-up humidifiers, pick out clothes for the next day).
6:45: T takes Iris upstairs for bedtime. She gets a bath every other night unless she is super gamey. Ezra and I will then usually head out to the library or to get ice cream or just keep playing in the playroom. If he wants to take a bath and play for awhile in the tub, then we head upstairs too. While he's in the tub, I fold and put away laundry and wash my face and get into jammies.
7:30: Iris is passed clean out and Ezra is usually out of the tub or shower. I then get him lotioned and a jammied up on our bed while he watches tv and we snuggle.
7:50: Ezra heads to his room and we read a few books. We negotiate his lighting needs.
8-8:30: T and I stare at each other and try to string a coherent sentence. Sometimes we'll both just read for a hot minute to let the flurry of the day die down. Sometimes he'll go work-out. But we usually need a good 30 minutes to quiet our heads.
8:30-9:00: We eat dinner, chat some more, watch a bit of tv.
9:00: I may stay up a little bit more and eat some ice cream with T or I'll shuffle upstairs.
9:00-10:00: I'll check on the kids, restart their respective music machines (junkies), pick out my clothes for the next day and either lay in bed with a book or watch tv and Twitter. Oh! and pop some Unisom.
10:00: Roll over and pass out. T usually shuffles up around Midnight or so.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Of course, this all changes if T is traveling or if Iris has morning OT/PT appointments--but that's mainly our Monday through Friday. Honestly, even our Saturdays and Sundays follow the same rhythm.
What is your typical day like?
You had some corn with dinner? Cool! Your child took only took a 20 minute nap? Let us commiserate! You decided mosquitoes and pinchy undies are the Devil's handiwork? I speak your language. You are feeling sad and lonely? Let me offer you a funny.
Anyway, I am enjoying reading about the average day of others, so here is mine...
****
5:45am: Alarm goes off. I swear a little bit. I try to think what is on my schedule and if I can get away with just pulling my hair back into a bun. Again.
6:00: Really get up and stealthily close Iris and Ezra's door so that the sound of the shower and my blow dryer doesn't wake them up.
6:00-6:30: Get ready. Wake T up at 6:30am.
6:40: Wake T up again.
6:40-7:00: While T is getting ready, I go downstairs and open the curtains, start warming up Iris' formula, turn on lights, sometimes start a load of laundry. Get our bags together.
7:00-7:30: Tell T he needs to hurry, finish doing my hair and makeup, open Ezra's door and give him kisses. Sappy moment: when I open his door, I sing a song I made up. "Good morning, good morning. It's a sunny day." I started saying/singing this when he was a baby, and now the sweetest thing is that he sings it to Iris when we go into her room. Burst. Ezra and I then go into Iris' room. She and Ezra giggle. T usually gets Ezra ready, while Iris and I race against them. (We usually win.)
7:30-8:00: We all head downstairs. Ezra, Iris and T watch "Little Bear" (haaaaate "Little Bear") while T feeds Iris. I make Iris' bottles for school, dole out shoes, give Ezra his vitamins, put my clothes, make beds, pack T a breakfast snack and sometimes give Ezra a banana to snack on.
8:00-8:45: I drive Ezra and Iris to school, stop at Starbucks and arrive at work.
8:45-9:00: Check Twitter, Gmail and work email.
9:00-5:00pm: My days vary and usually revolve around four or five major things: staffing the Reference Desk, teaching, making purchase suggestions for the collection, doing faculty research and eating snacks. I tweet throughout the day, post a blog, chat with T--I can multi-task like a mutha.
5:00: Leave to go pick up the small fries.
5:10-5:30: Wrangle everyone out of their classrooms and into the car. Wipe them both down with antibacterial wipes. I started doing this when Ezra was little because I want to nip those daycare germs in the bud. Plus the rubber meets the road once we walk in the door at home so getting everyone to wash their hands there was just waaaaay too hard.
5:30-6:00: Remind Ezra to use the potty, give out lots of kisses and hugs, fend off whining, station both kids in the playroom or at the kitchen table with books while I put stuff away and start dinner and serve it up.
6:00-6:20: Ezra eats dinner, Iris throws fruit chunks around, I keep them company at the table and T arrives home which is like the Pope walking in the door.
6:20-6:45: T plays with Ezra and Iris while I clean up dinner and wash Iris' bottles from the day. I then also get her formula ready for bed and get their rooms ready for bedtime (close curtains, get jammies out, fill-up humidifiers, pick out clothes for the next day).
6:45: T takes Iris upstairs for bedtime. She gets a bath every other night unless she is super gamey. Ezra and I will then usually head out to the library or to get ice cream or just keep playing in the playroom. If he wants to take a bath and play for awhile in the tub, then we head upstairs too. While he's in the tub, I fold and put away laundry and wash my face and get into jammies.
7:30: Iris is passed clean out and Ezra is usually out of the tub or shower. I then get him lotioned and a jammied up on our bed while he watches tv and we snuggle.
7:50: Ezra heads to his room and we read a few books. We negotiate his lighting needs.
8-8:30: T and I stare at each other and try to string a coherent sentence. Sometimes we'll both just read for a hot minute to let the flurry of the day die down. Sometimes he'll go work-out. But we usually need a good 30 minutes to quiet our heads.
8:30-9:00: We eat dinner, chat some more, watch a bit of tv.
9:00: I may stay up a little bit more and eat some ice cream with T or I'll shuffle upstairs.
9:00-10:00: I'll check on the kids, restart their respective music machines (junkies), pick out my clothes for the next day and either lay in bed with a book or watch tv and Twitter. Oh! and pop some Unisom.
10:00: Roll over and pass out. T usually shuffles up around Midnight or so.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Of course, this all changes if T is traveling or if Iris has morning OT/PT appointments--but that's mainly our Monday through Friday. Honestly, even our Saturdays and Sundays follow the same rhythm.
What is your typical day like?
Wednesday, August 24
But I am le tired
Ezra was awake--not singing, not moaning, not lying there like a brown cherub--but awake and calling for me every 5-10 minutes from 2:30am to 4:00am.
We tried to problem solve with rocking, reassurances of his safety and my whereabouts, more stuffed friends in his bed, shades up, coming in to my bed, going back to his bed, another nightlight, me crying and pleading with him to sleep (I wish I was kidding here)--but little boy got scared, got the monkey brain and had a damned time letting himself go back to sleep.
We both finally passed out a little after 4:00am and then my alarm went off at 5:45am. He slept until 7:30am and looked pretty damn perky. Hurrumph.
I also don't want to poo-poo his fear. It's persistent. It's real. It's becoming more of an issue each night.
Anyway, I am a librarian so my m.o is to check-out a book to see what assvice experts are doling out. I need something more than what I've got and used.
In the meantime, I leave you with one of all my time favorite YouTube videos (#2 behind Cat Tripping Over Babygate).
*T is going to read this and think I am angry and frustrated with him. I am not. Only frustrated that being on lone wolf status this week is tiring anyway and is made worse by Fun Nighttime Wakings. Fact is, though, with T home the night would probably be very much the same. Ah well. In other news, this is pushing my already pretty much 99% sure of No Third Baby to closer to 99.9%. The nighttime is harsh, yo.
We tried to problem solve with rocking, reassurances of his safety and my whereabouts, more stuffed friends in his bed, shades up, coming in to my bed, going back to his bed, another nightlight, me crying and pleading with him to sleep (I wish I was kidding here)--but little boy got scared, got the monkey brain and had a damned time letting himself go back to sleep.
We both finally passed out a little after 4:00am and then my alarm went off at 5:45am. He slept until 7:30am and looked pretty damn perky. Hurrumph.
I also don't want to poo-poo his fear. It's persistent. It's real. It's becoming more of an issue each night.
Anyway, I am a librarian so my m.o is to check-out a book to see what assvice experts are doling out. I need something more than what I've got and used.
In the meantime, I leave you with one of all my time favorite YouTube videos (#2 behind Cat Tripping Over Babygate).
*T is going to read this and think I am angry and frustrated with him. I am not. Only frustrated that being on lone wolf status this week is tiring anyway and is made worse by Fun Nighttime Wakings. Fact is, though, with T home the night would probably be very much the same. Ah well. In other news, this is pushing my already pretty much 99% sure of No Third Baby to closer to 99.9%. The nighttime is harsh, yo.
Monday, August 22
Love/hate Monday
Love: Ezra is all signed up for a tumbling class this fall. He has mad skillz in balancing, somersaulting, jumping (oh, the jumping) and so we're hoping to harness some of this...energy. It's offered through his daycare center which is perfecto.
Hate: The class is on Tuesday mornings which means I'll miss them.
Love: A friend of his from school is also taking the class. It's the friend with the totally cool mom with whom we had a playdate a few weeks ago.
Hate: Not being present for the class instantly brought to mind Creepy Pete Adults. But! I have sniffed around for information, talked to Ezra's teacher Mr. B about the tumbling teacher, was reassured about the background checks and will be trying to pop in a few times, even if I go into work later that morning.
Love: Ezra calls it "gin-nastics."
Hate: T is gone all week. And I mean alllll week--even, it's looking, until Saturday afternoon
Love: I am feeling better, so no sickness will fell this mighty oak.
Hate: That sentence made no damn sense.
Love: This here kettle corn that Ezra picked out at the farmer's market this weekend that I then smuggled into my purse to eat at work.
Hate: Cramps
Love: Sunny, crisp days
Hate: Wondering whether or not the jeans I put Ezra in this morning will make him a sweaty monkey by 3pm
Love: Iris' 18 month clothes are tight and short. Holla!
Hate: That I have to remember which brand fits her which way. (Carters: spot on per her age / BabyGap: big in the waist / Baby Boden: shirts are long in the sleeve but perfect in the length / Children's Place: tight in the waist) Arghhhh.
Love: Leftover ham and cheesy potatoes for lunch
Hate: I wouldn't mind some dessert along with it
Feel free to share with me (rhyming!) your loves/hates.
Hate: The class is on Tuesday mornings which means I'll miss them.
Love: A friend of his from school is also taking the class. It's the friend with the totally cool mom with whom we had a playdate a few weeks ago.
Hate: Not being present for the class instantly brought to mind Creepy Pete Adults. But! I have sniffed around for information, talked to Ezra's teacher Mr. B about the tumbling teacher, was reassured about the background checks and will be trying to pop in a few times, even if I go into work later that morning.
Love: Ezra calls it "gin-nastics."
Hate: T is gone all week. And I mean alllll week--even, it's looking, until Saturday afternoon
Love: I am feeling better, so no sickness will fell this mighty oak.
Hate: That sentence made no damn sense.
Love: This here kettle corn that Ezra picked out at the farmer's market this weekend that I then smuggled into my purse to eat at work.
Hate: Cramps
Love: Sunny, crisp days
Hate: Wondering whether or not the jeans I put Ezra in this morning will make him a sweaty monkey by 3pm
Love: Iris' 18 month clothes are tight and short. Holla!
Hate: That I have to remember which brand fits her which way. (Carters: spot on per her age / BabyGap: big in the waist / Baby Boden: shirts are long in the sleeve but perfect in the length / Children's Place: tight in the waist) Arghhhh.
Love: Leftover ham and cheesy potatoes for lunch
Hate: I wouldn't mind some dessert along with it
Feel free to share with me (rhyming!) your loves/hates.
Sunday, August 21
A lot in two days
There was...
...waking up early and sleeping in.
...short naps in baby beds and snoring on the couch.
...grocery shopping at Target and the farmer's market.
...a raging downpour and cloudless blue skies.
...impatience and loving hugs.
...many iced mochas.
...an evening without power and with candlelight.
...too much root beer consumed and forgetting it had caffeine.
...sassy toddlers and chubby hands.
...stinky heads and baby soft curls.
...feeling happy and wondering where the sickness came from.
...glad when it started and tired when it ended.
...waking up early and sleeping in.
...short naps in baby beds and snoring on the couch.
...grocery shopping at Target and the farmer's market.
...a raging downpour and cloudless blue skies.
...impatience and loving hugs.
...many iced mochas.
...an evening without power and with candlelight.
...too much root beer consumed and forgetting it had caffeine.
...sassy toddlers and chubby hands.
...stinky heads and baby soft curls.
...feeling happy and wondering where the sickness came from.
...glad when it started and tired when it ended.
Thursday, August 18
Wednesday, August 17
Whatnots
A co-worker and I have been doing a heavy duty editing project which has resulted in me feeling Tapped Out With The Words.
However, there have been things I've wanted to share.
Things like:
Sophie the Giraffe has a broken squeeker. She tends to get whipped around an awful lot and I was hoping that she was built for endurance. Not the case. I am off to order another one.
I found a very lovely weekly menu planner sheet online and it has blocks and grids and slots for all of the lovely things I hope to make for the fam.
Our garage door is still broken. It needs to be fixed before wintertime.
T is traveling a lot, a lot this month. Tonight we will be ordering pizza.
I loved (LOVED!) reading your helpful tidbits on our Nighttime Shades Needs that is still going strong. The plot thickens and continues to become even more ridiculous, so perhaps a future v. boring post will follow.
Iris, my sweet girl, laughs a LOT. I love it.
I told Jen O. that I would do the 30 Days of Shamlessness and while I've felt shame, I've yet to get crackin' on the posts documenting this.
Jennifer sent me an awesome text last night that said this: Also, just remembered that in 9th grade I was in a band recital titled "huron high presents: the music of whitney houston."
I had a dream the other night that I was over 40 weeks pregnant and everyone--me, T, the multitude of doctors offices--had forgotten to give me any prenatal care or ultrasounds after 25 weeks. In my dream I was dumbfounded because I'm usually so on top of things. Plus! I'm sure my file at my ob and my perinatologist is labeled Hot Mess. It was just so confusing. Add to the fact that I was so far along but, in the dream, had never felt the baby move and I woke up feeling very cootie. Oh! And Jen was in the dream driving me around in the woods. Oddballs.
The weather here has cooled and it is so very, very marvelous. The air conditioning is off and I no longer sweat while outside. This has also meant the pool visits have dwindled as well as my tan. Boo.
Iris ate an entire baby food container of carrots the other day. She has never (!!) done this before. I don't think this is an indicator of the changing tides regarding her interest in food, but I am willing to get excited for the achievement that it is.
Ezra is a pistol and wants to be Captain Huggy Face for Halloween. This means that either I or Iris get to be Wordgirl. T could be Doctor Twobrains. Or Seymour Smooth. Heh.
I like lunches that are free.
Ezra's big thing lately is to play with the hose in our front yard. It is amusing to watch when he suddenly and accidentally squirts himself in the face.
Well, I think that gets you all caught up. Stay tuned for more?
However, there have been things I've wanted to share.
Things like:
Sophie the Giraffe has a broken squeeker. She tends to get whipped around an awful lot and I was hoping that she was built for endurance. Not the case. I am off to order another one.
I found a very lovely weekly menu planner sheet online and it has blocks and grids and slots for all of the lovely things I hope to make for the fam.
Our garage door is still broken. It needs to be fixed before wintertime.
T is traveling a lot, a lot this month. Tonight we will be ordering pizza.
I loved (LOVED!) reading your helpful tidbits on our Nighttime Shades Needs that is still going strong. The plot thickens and continues to become even more ridiculous, so perhaps a future v. boring post will follow.
Iris, my sweet girl, laughs a LOT. I love it.
I told Jen O. that I would do the 30 Days of Shamlessness and while I've felt shame, I've yet to get crackin' on the posts documenting this.
Jennifer sent me an awesome text last night that said this: Also, just remembered that in 9th grade I was in a band recital titled "huron high presents: the music of whitney houston."
I had a dream the other night that I was over 40 weeks pregnant and everyone--me, T, the multitude of doctors offices--had forgotten to give me any prenatal care or ultrasounds after 25 weeks. In my dream I was dumbfounded because I'm usually so on top of things. Plus! I'm sure my file at my ob and my perinatologist is labeled Hot Mess. It was just so confusing. Add to the fact that I was so far along but, in the dream, had never felt the baby move and I woke up feeling very cootie. Oh! And Jen was in the dream driving me around in the woods. Oddballs.
The weather here has cooled and it is so very, very marvelous. The air conditioning is off and I no longer sweat while outside. This has also meant the pool visits have dwindled as well as my tan. Boo.
Iris ate an entire baby food container of carrots the other day. She has never (!!) done this before. I don't think this is an indicator of the changing tides regarding her interest in food, but I am willing to get excited for the achievement that it is.
Ezra is a pistol and wants to be Captain Huggy Face for Halloween. This means that either I or Iris get to be Wordgirl. T could be Doctor Twobrains. Or Seymour Smooth. Heh.
I like lunches that are free.
Ezra's big thing lately is to play with the hose in our front yard. It is amusing to watch when he suddenly and accidentally squirts himself in the face.
Well, I think that gets you all caught up. Stay tuned for more?
Friday, August 12
'Tis dark in the nighttime
Right around the time Ezra started sleeping in his converted big boy bed (early July?), he started becoming more sensitive to how light or dark it is in his room in order to sleep.
"Mama, it's too bright. I need the shade down."
"Mama, it's too dark. I scared and need the shade up."
In the last two weeks, he's become even more sensitive to the lighting specifics. Waking up at 6:00am and, instead of being content to lounge, yelling for me that his room is too dark. And in the last 4-5 days?--waking up at 12:45am or 3:30am or 1:15am and calling for me because it's too dark (shade goes up) or too bright (shade goes down). And it's different every night! No rhyme! No rhythm!
With the 6:00am shout-outs, I shuffle in and meet his Shade Needs and then tell him that it is still sleepytime, that Papa and Iris and ME! want to still sleep and that he needs to lay quietly like he does at school until I come and get him for breakfast and playing. He's then usually quiet and content until 7:00am.
With those other eeearrrrrly morning shout-outs?--I am less with it and less patient. I still meet his Shade Needs, but tell him explicitly that he needs to go back to sleep and then I turn on his sound machine. The sound machine means business and he always goes back to sleep until the morning.
And if I let him shout for a bit--mainly at 6:00am--to see if he'll sort it out himself? Well, he just gets LOUDER. And more desperate and scared sounding. We let our kids as babies (in the appropriate situations) cry it out, but the anxiety in his voice is not something I feel comfortable ignoring.
Minus the past month and a half, both Ezra and Iris have been Once They're Down, They're Down kids. We literally don't hear a peep, so with all of this popping up out of bed nonsense?--I am tiiiiired, folks. I'm not in that game any longer and my resistance is low.
And Ezra is tired too--I can tell. Praise the lord he's not whiny, but he is less peppy in the morning. Sleeping harder and longer at naptime. And passing out instantly once in bed at 7:15; not even reading the books he takes with him.
He never talks about monsters or makes up stories. Just mostly Too Dark. Too Light. Desperate and scared. Always calling for me--never T. For both our sakes, I'm hoping that this is a phase.
If anything, this popping out of bed at indiscriminate hours in the nighttime is making that third unnamed baby look less and less appealing. Much less.
Do you have any suggestions for things I haven't done or should be doing better?
"Mama, it's too bright. I need the shade down."
"Mama, it's too dark. I scared and need the shade up."
In the last two weeks, he's become even more sensitive to the lighting specifics. Waking up at 6:00am and, instead of being content to lounge, yelling for me that his room is too dark. And in the last 4-5 days?--waking up at 12:45am or 3:30am or 1:15am and calling for me because it's too dark (shade goes up) or too bright (shade goes down). And it's different every night! No rhyme! No rhythm!
With the 6:00am shout-outs, I shuffle in and meet his Shade Needs and then tell him that it is still sleepytime, that Papa and Iris and ME! want to still sleep and that he needs to lay quietly like he does at school until I come and get him for breakfast and playing. He's then usually quiet and content until 7:00am.
With those other eeearrrrrly morning shout-outs?--I am less with it and less patient. I still meet his Shade Needs, but tell him explicitly that he needs to go back to sleep and then I turn on his sound machine. The sound machine means business and he always goes back to sleep until the morning.
And if I let him shout for a bit--mainly at 6:00am--to see if he'll sort it out himself? Well, he just gets LOUDER. And more desperate and scared sounding. We let our kids as babies (in the appropriate situations) cry it out, but the anxiety in his voice is not something I feel comfortable ignoring.
Minus the past month and a half, both Ezra and Iris have been Once They're Down, They're Down kids. We literally don't hear a peep, so with all of this popping up out of bed nonsense?--I am tiiiiired, folks. I'm not in that game any longer and my resistance is low.
And Ezra is tired too--I can tell. Praise the lord he's not whiny, but he is less peppy in the morning. Sleeping harder and longer at naptime. And passing out instantly once in bed at 7:15; not even reading the books he takes with him.
He never talks about monsters or makes up stories. Just mostly Too Dark. Too Light. Desperate and scared. Always calling for me--never T. For both our sakes, I'm hoping that this is a phase.
If anything, this popping out of bed at indiscriminate hours in the nighttime is making that third unnamed baby look less and less appealing. Much less.
Do you have any suggestions for things I haven't done or should be doing better?
Wednesday, August 10
Love/hate Wednesday
Love: I have a big coffee on my desk
Hate: In the post title above I typed out "Thursday." It is not Thursday.
Love: Before leaving this morning, T said to me, "Have a good day. And relax. Don't do it, when you want to go to it." He is ridiculous.
Hate: He is traveling an awful lot this month.
Love: That so many of you are thinking of Caden and Adam and Becca
Hate: His little heart is still working really hard to regulate on its own
Love: Iris is having an explosion of stuff (not poo). She knows the hand movements to "Twinkle, Twinkle..." and "Wheels on the bus...", she's walking with push toys on the playground, she's enjoying playing with our food and putting little pieces mostly near and kind of in her mouth and she is sleeping on a cot at school.
Hate: Oh, you know, just the delays related to eating and talking.
Love: I have a lost a few pounds since realizing I need to slow my roll with the cookies and ice cream and eating of chips and dip at night.
Hate: From 7:38pm until I am asleep, they are all I can think of. I feel like a meth head. But the pants--they had grown a bit pinchy and I had creeped up to the number on the scale that reflected my bonanza eating.
Love: Iris took a marathon THREE HOUR NAP on Saturday. It was epic and delightful and she woke up rarin' to go.
Hate: Ezra's naps are getting shorter and shorter. We're down to about an hour and a half.
Love: Having one less napping child is going to free up our afternoon so, so much. That part is exciting.
Hate: Unrelated to naps, I paid for my Starbucks coffee in change this morning
Love: The woman was very kind about the many dimes
Hate: Pennies
Love: Dollar coins
Hate: I have a conference call this afternoon with a mega pompous douchebag. He's just UGH.
Love: Snacks
You?
Hate: In the post title above I typed out "Thursday." It is not Thursday.
Love: Before leaving this morning, T said to me, "Have a good day. And relax. Don't do it, when you want to go to it." He is ridiculous.
Hate: He is traveling an awful lot this month.
Love: That so many of you are thinking of Caden and Adam and Becca
Hate: His little heart is still working really hard to regulate on its own
Love: Iris is having an explosion of stuff (not poo). She knows the hand movements to "Twinkle, Twinkle..." and "Wheels on the bus...", she's walking with push toys on the playground, she's enjoying playing with our food and putting little pieces mostly near and kind of in her mouth and she is sleeping on a cot at school.
Hate: Oh, you know, just the delays related to eating and talking.
Love: I have a lost a few pounds since realizing I need to slow my roll with the cookies and ice cream and eating of chips and dip at night.
Hate: From 7:38pm until I am asleep, they are all I can think of. I feel like a meth head. But the pants--they had grown a bit pinchy and I had creeped up to the number on the scale that reflected my bonanza eating.
Love: Iris took a marathon THREE HOUR NAP on Saturday. It was epic and delightful and she woke up rarin' to go.
Hate: Ezra's naps are getting shorter and shorter. We're down to about an hour and a half.
Love: Having one less napping child is going to free up our afternoon so, so much. That part is exciting.
Hate: Unrelated to naps, I paid for my Starbucks coffee in change this morning
Love: The woman was very kind about the many dimes
Hate: Pennies
Love: Dollar coins
Hate: I have a conference call this afternoon with a mega pompous douchebag. He's just UGH.
Love: Snacks
You?
Tuesday, August 9
Friday night fever
On Friday night, Ezra grabbed the Leap Frog "radio" (it teaches new words and songs in English/Spanish) and announced,
"I'm going into the playroom for my dance lessons. Watch Iris for me."
"I'm going into the playroom for my dance lessons. Watch Iris for me."
The dancing?--it was awesome. So many moves to "Hands! Clap your hands! Clap, clap your hands
Anyway, in acting as a paparazzo, I let my Iris watching duties fall by the wayside and she decided to change the station on the radio.
Iris called him a sucka MC and went about her business.
Monday, August 8
Heart strings
I am more sensitive now.
Sensitive to others hurts, their emotions, their struggles.
I cry much faster and much easier.
My heart, and how it feels, is touched quickly.
I am still very much a wise-acre but my desire to give hugs and share a stranger or friend's heavy load has grown infinitely.
I think this is one of the things God has given me or taught me with Iris' rough start.
I heard about Caden and his tricky heart from Keli on Twitter, and instantly told T his story. T just stared and said "Eff."
T remembers.
And I also remember when, just a few days after her sneak attack birth, the pediatric cardiologist told us that Iris had a large hole in her heart that would require major repair, but that would only take place once she was much bigger and if she made it. While entirely realistic for a 23 week baby, to this day I want to nutpunch that physician for wording it that way.
When we finally got to the point that Iris could conceivably survive open heart surgery, I was happy. I was happy that morning I drove to University Hospital. Happy that this was her last major medical hurdle. Happy that it would help her gain weight. Happy that it would keep her lungs from working so hard. Happy to just finally have this looming surgery behind us and get her home.
That day and the next few were not light or good or promising in the least, and I remember feeling yet again angry at God that he was making such a small girl suffer so.
The pediatric cardiac ICU was a hundred times worse than the NICU. Seeing older children struggle with their health and be trapped in a hospital?--you don't even know. I had a hard time handling it, so T did 99% of the visiting the two weeks Iris was on the other side of the state.
The open chest, the exterior heart-lung bypass machine, the threats of a pacemaker, perhaps never coming of the ventilator and needing a trach?--those memories and fears are still, even a year and a half later, just beneath my skin.
All of this to say that Caden and his parents--they are close to my heart today. Keep them close to yours as well, if you can.
Sensitive to others hurts, their emotions, their struggles.
I cry much faster and much easier.
My heart, and how it feels, is touched quickly.
I am still very much a wise-acre but my desire to give hugs and share a stranger or friend's heavy load has grown infinitely.
I think this is one of the things God has given me or taught me with Iris' rough start.
I heard about Caden and his tricky heart from Keli on Twitter, and instantly told T his story. T just stared and said "Eff."
T remembers.
And I also remember when, just a few days after her sneak attack birth, the pediatric cardiologist told us that Iris had a large hole in her heart that would require major repair, but that would only take place once she was much bigger and if she made it. While entirely realistic for a 23 week baby, to this day I want to nutpunch that physician for wording it that way.
When we finally got to the point that Iris could conceivably survive open heart surgery, I was happy. I was happy that morning I drove to University Hospital. Happy that this was her last major medical hurdle. Happy that it would help her gain weight. Happy that it would keep her lungs from working so hard. Happy to just finally have this looming surgery behind us and get her home.
That day and the next few were not light or good or promising in the least, and I remember feeling yet again angry at God that he was making such a small girl suffer so.
The pediatric cardiac ICU was a hundred times worse than the NICU. Seeing older children struggle with their health and be trapped in a hospital?--you don't even know. I had a hard time handling it, so T did 99% of the visiting the two weeks Iris was on the other side of the state.
The open chest, the exterior heart-lung bypass machine, the threats of a pacemaker, perhaps never coming of the ventilator and needing a trach?--those memories and fears are still, even a year and a half later, just beneath my skin.
All of this to say that Caden and his parents--they are close to my heart today. Keep them close to yours as well, if you can.
Friday, August 5
Random useless tidbits
Ezra is now knee-deep in making up stories and being imaginative. I LOVE IT. I will ask him questions while he's telling the story and he just keeps expanding on it.
On the drive home yesterday he told me a story about the time he went to Red Robin in his red race car but then he needed a tire change and called J the Fabulous Nanny to help him and then they went and had pizza and french fries.
Another one involved telling me that a friend of his at school likes to punch lions.
****
Iris is transitioning over to the Toddler Room at school in just a week. Holy snakes. And next week she'll start sleeping on a cot to get used to it.
There are a few logistics to work out about making her tube feeding times match the classroom schedule as well as training the teachers and answering any questions about giving her baby food and table food, but that's it.
She's catching up.
****
I feel as if fall is starting to peek its ahead around the corner and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Normally I am ready by this time--very ready. But our May and June were so inconsistently warm (a few days of 65, a few days of 80 and we rarely had our air conditioning on) that it's really only been July that's felt like Summertime.
In a month the pool will close and I will need to start thinking about fall clothes for two small people. Halloween costumes. A second birthday for Iris. Hotel reservations for our out of town trip at Thanksgiving. Christmas presents. Poof. There it goes.
I don't like the way my mind can truck right to December 31, so I'm going to try and relish all of August with every bit.
****
I sometimes see marriages where the children are older (8? 19?) and can't wait to be there. To have more time for one another, more patience, more energy. To feel less In the Trenches of Life.
These first years have really cleaned my clock.
I don't want to seem like I'm wishing away Ezra and Iris' youth because I'm not or that our marriage has taken a beating because that's not it either. It's just...well, I don't know how to explain it other than to say so much of my energy and patience goes to making sure I'm not a shit parent and it would be nice to send T a little bit of that energy and patience rather than just the scraps.
****
My friend A is getting married in less than a month and I am trying to figure out what to have the small fries wear.
I am currently on the prowl for a purple bow tie for Ezra if that's any indication of the tide. I know I could go on Etsy, but I'm wondering how hard they are to make since he'll probably wear it exactly once.
Thoughts on bow tie making? I have zero craft skillz, though.
****
There is a student here that creeps me the eff out. And he's a pompous douchewaffle.
****
This weekend is entirely open and I want to pack it full with family togetherness and fun.
The beach? The zoo? Pool? Art museum?
****
I bought so many groceries last weekend that I think I am going to be able to avoid doing major grocery shopping this weekend. Holla.
****
That is all, really. Things are quiet and that is okay.
On the drive home yesterday he told me a story about the time he went to Red Robin in his red race car but then he needed a tire change and called J the Fabulous Nanny to help him and then they went and had pizza and french fries.
Another one involved telling me that a friend of his at school likes to punch lions.
****
Iris is transitioning over to the Toddler Room at school in just a week. Holy snakes. And next week she'll start sleeping on a cot to get used to it.
There are a few logistics to work out about making her tube feeding times match the classroom schedule as well as training the teachers and answering any questions about giving her baby food and table food, but that's it.
She's catching up.
****
I feel as if fall is starting to peek its ahead around the corner and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Normally I am ready by this time--very ready. But our May and June were so inconsistently warm (a few days of 65, a few days of 80 and we rarely had our air conditioning on) that it's really only been July that's felt like Summertime.
In a month the pool will close and I will need to start thinking about fall clothes for two small people. Halloween costumes. A second birthday for Iris. Hotel reservations for our out of town trip at Thanksgiving. Christmas presents. Poof. There it goes.
I don't like the way my mind can truck right to December 31, so I'm going to try and relish all of August with every bit.
****
I sometimes see marriages where the children are older (8? 19?) and can't wait to be there. To have more time for one another, more patience, more energy. To feel less In the Trenches of Life.
These first years have really cleaned my clock.
I don't want to seem like I'm wishing away Ezra and Iris' youth because I'm not or that our marriage has taken a beating because that's not it either. It's just...well, I don't know how to explain it other than to say so much of my energy and patience goes to making sure I'm not a shit parent and it would be nice to send T a little bit of that energy and patience rather than just the scraps.
****
My friend A is getting married in less than a month and I am trying to figure out what to have the small fries wear.
I am currently on the prowl for a purple bow tie for Ezra if that's any indication of the tide. I know I could go on Etsy, but I'm wondering how hard they are to make since he'll probably wear it exactly once.
Thoughts on bow tie making? I have zero craft skillz, though.
****
There is a student here that creeps me the eff out. And he's a pompous douchewaffle.
****
This weekend is entirely open and I want to pack it full with family togetherness and fun.
The beach? The zoo? Pool? Art museum?
****
I bought so many groceries last weekend that I think I am going to be able to avoid doing major grocery shopping this weekend. Holla.
****
That is all, really. Things are quiet and that is okay.
Monday, August 1
Angst on paper--so antique-y
T poked around in our attic this past weekend and while one day and $10,000 in finishing costs, Attic and I might be on speaking terms--in the present day, the attic is dead to me.
With a regular, non-creepy door leading up to an unfinished third floor, I'm pretty sure Attic is harboring squirrels with peg legs that want to eat my face. Therefore, I don't go up there. I was last up there in 2006.
Anyway, while making sure the squirrels weren't plotting anything exceptionally out of the ordinary--T found a letter. A letter that I instantly knew I would spend work time retyping and sharing with you. I haven't even read it yet! I saved it! My reaction and your reaction will be as One. You're welcome.
T read it twice and said that I would love it; that it was girlie and talked about feelings. I mentioned he read it twice, right? Heh.
Anyway!
****
Dear Johnny,
I'm sorry that everything did not work out better for us this weekend. Really I am. I shouldn't have gotten mad and walked out of the dance when I caught that paper wad in the eye; but I did, and I can't change it because it's over now. Saturday night was awful for you. I was awful.
When you called me Saturday morning (afternoon), I was very mean to you because I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you back. I guess I did, too. I didn't realize that the things that had hurt weren't your fault. It was just the circumstances--I know this now. This is what I tried to explain to you over the phone today. It wasn't your fault that the other three guys wanted to leave Wednesday night instead of Thursday morning. And it wasn't your fault that they decided to come home later than they first planned. It wasn't your fault Johnny; I realize this now. But it wasn't my fault that I had to cramps Saturday. And it wasn't my fault that I was tired and crabby because of lack of sleep Friday night. All that happened wasn't anyone's fault. It was just all the circumstances.
Johnny, I know that sometimes I act funny or depressed and you get mad because I won't tell you the reason. Sometimes there just isn't a reason. You get the same way sometimes, tired or depressed and I try to understand. When we get that way, we do things for which we don't exactly know the reason, and we can't explain them. Let's try to be just a little more understanding and just a little more patient. I felt that you didn't want to be with me this weekend; because you didn't want to take me to church and because you had to stay home and study this afternoon instead of going swimming with me. Again, this wasn't anyone's fault; it was just circumstances.
Johnny, I don't want us to break up for the summer. I don't want us to "drift apart" either. If what we feel for each other is really love, than it will last through the summer. Real love lasts a lifetime; I Hope ours lasts, Johnny. I feel that the summer will give us a chance to prove our love to everyone--our friends, our parents and ourselves. I know that we will be apart more often than we will together, but maybe when we are away from each other, we will be more sure of our true feelings and we will appreciate each other more. We will both be busy, but we will write to each other. And when you come home, our time together will be more precious and it will mean more to us.
Right now, Johnny, I want you to know that I do love you very, very much. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I know I'll always love you. We are so close, Johnny. So close. I need you. When we are together, I feel so good. No matter where we are, I just glance at you and I feel very warm inside. We have no secrets from each other, at least I don't think we do. WE can talk to each other without being afraid or embarrassed. I love you so much, Johnny. I just can't tell you how much. You just have to know it and feel it. We have talked about getting married some day. I hope we can because I feel that we would be very happy together. We have gone through so much together and we have always ended up together and closer.
Today on the telephone, you said to me, "Let's don't mess this up." Well, let's try not to. There will be times we will get "disturbed" with each other, but it really helps so much if we talk it out instead of keeping it inside. I want you to tell me if something I do is bothering you; and I'll do the same. We can be honest with each other and we are, to a certain extent. But I mean completely honest.
We have really to lives to lead right now, Johnny; our lives with each other and our lives with our friends and families. You aren't really jealous when I talk with Harry or Sherwood, are you? I'm not really jealous when you talk with Marcie or Sue Price. Not really. I love you so much. I promise.
****
Holy snakes, guys!
Harry! Sherwood! Sue Price!
A paper wad to the face at a dance! WTF, mate? That ain't cool.
Cramps too?! Lordy.
Soooo good.
With a regular, non-creepy door leading up to an unfinished third floor, I'm pretty sure Attic is harboring squirrels with peg legs that want to eat my face. Therefore, I don't go up there. I was last up there in 2006.
Anyway, while making sure the squirrels weren't plotting anything exceptionally out of the ordinary--T found a letter. A letter that I instantly knew I would spend work time retyping and sharing with you. I haven't even read it yet! I saved it! My reaction and your reaction will be as One. You're welcome.
T read it twice and said that I would love it; that it was girlie and talked about feelings. I mentioned he read it twice, right? Heh.
Anyway!
****
Dear Johnny,
I'm sorry that everything did not work out better for us this weekend. Really I am. I shouldn't have gotten mad and walked out of the dance when I caught that paper wad in the eye; but I did, and I can't change it because it's over now. Saturday night was awful for you. I was awful.
When you called me Saturday morning (afternoon), I was very mean to you because I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you back. I guess I did, too. I didn't realize that the things that had hurt weren't your fault. It was just the circumstances--I know this now. This is what I tried to explain to you over the phone today. It wasn't your fault that the other three guys wanted to leave Wednesday night instead of Thursday morning. And it wasn't your fault that they decided to come home later than they first planned. It wasn't your fault Johnny; I realize this now. But it wasn't my fault that I had to cramps Saturday. And it wasn't my fault that I was tired and crabby because of lack of sleep Friday night. All that happened wasn't anyone's fault. It was just all the circumstances.
Johnny, I know that sometimes I act funny or depressed and you get mad because I won't tell you the reason. Sometimes there just isn't a reason. You get the same way sometimes, tired or depressed and I try to understand. When we get that way, we do things for which we don't exactly know the reason, and we can't explain them. Let's try to be just a little more understanding and just a little more patient. I felt that you didn't want to be with me this weekend; because you didn't want to take me to church and because you had to stay home and study this afternoon instead of going swimming with me. Again, this wasn't anyone's fault; it was just circumstances.
Johnny, I don't want us to break up for the summer. I don't want us to "drift apart" either. If what we feel for each other is really love, than it will last through the summer. Real love lasts a lifetime; I Hope ours lasts, Johnny. I feel that the summer will give us a chance to prove our love to everyone--our friends, our parents and ourselves. I know that we will be apart more often than we will together, but maybe when we are away from each other, we will be more sure of our true feelings and we will appreciate each other more. We will both be busy, but we will write to each other. And when you come home, our time together will be more precious and it will mean more to us.
Right now, Johnny, I want you to know that I do love you very, very much. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I know I'll always love you. We are so close, Johnny. So close. I need you. When we are together, I feel so good. No matter where we are, I just glance at you and I feel very warm inside. We have no secrets from each other, at least I don't think we do. WE can talk to each other without being afraid or embarrassed. I love you so much, Johnny. I just can't tell you how much. You just have to know it and feel it. We have talked about getting married some day. I hope we can because I feel that we would be very happy together. We have gone through so much together and we have always ended up together and closer.
Today on the telephone, you said to me, "Let's don't mess this up." Well, let's try not to. There will be times we will get "disturbed" with each other, but it really helps so much if we talk it out instead of keeping it inside. I want you to tell me if something I do is bothering you; and I'll do the same. We can be honest with each other and we are, to a certain extent. But I mean completely honest.
We have really to lives to lead right now, Johnny; our lives with each other and our lives with our friends and families. You aren't really jealous when I talk with Harry or Sherwood, are you? I'm not really jealous when you talk with Marcie or Sue Price. Not really. I love you so much. I promise.
****
Holy snakes, guys!
Harry! Sherwood! Sue Price!
A paper wad to the face at a dance! WTF, mate? That ain't cool.
Cramps too?! Lordy.
Soooo good.
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