Little creeper

Last year I became super intrigued with Elf on the Shelf.  "What a novelty," I thought. "A little elf, kind of like Waldo, who hides and helps kids get into the Christmas spirit!"  But Ezra and Iris were kind of smallish so I skipped it.

And then I started digging more into the the story behind said Elf and got kind of ...skeeved out?  Dismayed?  I don't know.  The basic premise being that this little Elf person hides each day and the kids find him.  He is also Santa's toadie and totally reports back to Santa on the kids behavior.  

Hmmm.

Not being 100% sure how I even want to pitch Santa to Ezra and Iris (another post in itself...) plus not being a fan of the good behavior = gifts-for-you mentality, I still really wanted to do this Elf-thing

So I went renegade Elf.

Instead of ordering the hard, plastic-y Elf complete with propaganda book, I ordered the softer, plushy Elf.  With brown skin.  He's supposed to be cushier but we've yet to experience this as he's currently languishing in a box from Amazon.

Also, we've decided to not pitch him as the eyes and ears of Santa who reports on behavior.  T and I do that; Santa's a poser.  Instead, Elf is a holiday friend who comes to visit each year, likes to hide and eat Christmas treats--so they need to find him each morning.

The end.

I'm excited.  I think it's going to be fun.  Plus who doesn't enjoy some brown elf excitement?

Wherein my husband escapes unscathed

I have decided that Christmas cards are the old school equivalent of blog posts, what with their photos and random useless tidbits...and I loooove Christmas cards.  Photo ones?--even BETTER!  You include an epic note--typed even!--updating me on your 2011 escapades?--tongue kiss for you!  

Once we had Ezra, I decided it was time for us to forge our way into photo Christmas cards.  T, not being of this country, was dubious of how great these would be but he took one for the team.  It was an okay card.  Ezra looked cute and T was smiling jovially, but my hair was unfortunate and I still had some baby weight poofing out my face.

The following Christmas we skipped it all together because Iris was in the hospital and everyone knew what was what with our family.

In last year's photo, Iris didn't have her oxygen tubes and Ezra held a maraca.  The entire two hours leading up to the photo T groused, but, again, he smiled like a champ.

Choosing the photos is always a beast because I am vain and want to look halfway not like a douche.  However! This year I am using one of the pictures from the kids school photos since the photographer allows parents to buy the digital image.  There is one photo that turned out pretty cute and I'm jazzed.  Plus T's early Kwanzaa gift (just kidding...he doesn't celebrate Kwanzaa) is him not having to be in this year's card.  

Hurrah!

Tiny Prints is running a holiday blog campaign and graciously offered me 50 free Christmas cards in exchange for telling you which card(s) I like and will plop my kids' image on.

Because the image is portrait, I need to make sure the card I like displays it that way.  Tiny Prints site is handy because on the left you can sort by the type of card you're looking for.

These the ones I'm digging.  Now to just choose one...

Style: Dainty Bliss

Style: Colorful Collar

Style: Dotted Tab

Style: Festive Monogram

Style: Joyful Script

Things that are b.s.

Because nothing says "Happy Holidays, motherscratcher..." like a list of things that are giving me the furrowed brow of feeling perturbed.

1. Traveling with toddlers
2. Store bought pumpkin pie
3. When your one year old, pre-lit Christmas tree is no longer pre-lit
4. Co-sleeping in a hotel room with someone who is a) tiny and b) thrash-y with small paws
5. Crumbies on my floor.  Always with the crumbies.
6. A clogged toilet
7. Rain
8. Having cold hands all the damn time
9. Pants that get bigger and more stretched out throughout the day.  My jeans are now officially oozing off my body. WTF, jeans?
10. Not having made it to the grocery store in order to have a plan for dinner
11. Feeling burned out with work
12. Jenky Christmas songs
13. Loud talkers in the library

Feel free to share your beefs (beeves?) in the Comments section.

Unsavory nugget

We've (I say "we," but really it's Ezra) yet to completely nail with 100% accuracy #2 in the potty.  It's cool.  He'll hit the nail on the head sometimes at school during the week and rarely at home--but we're all hip to the schedule his lower GI tract operates on, so we just throw a Pull-Up on him.  This way, no additional Transformer undies are taking a hit where it hurts.


But things Happen. And, as a result, sometimes I'm left with the Baggie of Doom upon pick-up at the end of the day.  


The other week I washed the contents of Baggie of Doom in hot water and extra soap but upon transferring it to the dryer, it still smelled like poo.  I'm thinking, "What the hell did the kid eat that hot water can't nuke the smell?"


The undies looked good but the jeans?--gah.  Still so stinky.  So I open them up and, lo, there was still POOP IN THEM.  Trapped like a rat, a full on nugget that made it through hot water in my new washing machine.


I washed poop.


I gagged, threw it down the toilet and washed the jeans in hot water again.


Things smelled better after that cycle.

Party

On Saturday we had my family over to celebrate Iris' birthday.  It was cat-themed but still I could not convince T actually get a cat.  

Sigh. 

Soon enough.

Practicing "Happy Birthday" and "I NEEDS CAKE!"

Jeggings butt!

Kitty.

Holy lands, Christmas is going to be nuts.  She
LOVED opening presents. 

I don't know where in the sweet baby
Jesus she was trying to go here
but she had to JET.

T still wrestling the bobcat.

Still wrestling.

Standing still.

Giggle pants

I love to laugh.

I snort laugh.  I have laughed and peed my pants.  I often laugh and slap my knee like a hillbilly (or, "hillybilly" as T calls it). I giggle a lot with co-workers over stupid stuff.  We laugh a lot in my house and T has the best laugh--it's kind of jolly but squeeky.  Very awesome.  Iris' laugh is kind of hoarse and scratchy.  Ezra's comes from his toes.

So, for you--some funnies.

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Produce All the Things: Venture #4

The Sunday before Halloween, I decided that the kids and I should make Ghostly Pretzels.  

Iris wasn't so keen on helping.  She had a grocery cart to push around and some "Olivia" to watch.  Fine then. I mentioned to Ezra that we'd be dealing with chocolate chips and he was game.

This is what we were shooting for:

Upon seeing the picture, Ezra instantly requested
candy corn.  Heh.

Sweet heavens.  Chocolate fool.

Appears to be eating shortening?

Melty chocolate goodness

So. Yeah.

As it turns out--the mini chocolate chips are ideal for the ghost eyes and nose, but too damn small for my meat paws or Ezra's toddler fingers.  We ended up just sprinkling them liberally.


They were still tasty.

Produce All the Things: Venture #3

A few weeks ago I made something off of my Pinterest "Tasty Bites" board.  I think it was called something like Crescent Rolls Cream Cheese Enchiladas or something.  I don't know.

It. Was. Manky.

So manky, in fact, that I straight up yanked it off my board only to not be able to link to it here.  Sorry.

It had all the right stuff going for it: cheese, chicken, crescent rolls (!!), cream of chicken soup and yet...no.  It just didn't come together.  

It got a hearty thumbs down from all three of us that ate it.  Boo.

Chicken briefase in the HOUSE.

Cheesy blanket, so promising.

Christmas Regular v. Christmas Light

So Christmas 2009 had its good and bad parts.  Good: redoing the playroom for Ezra and getting a real tree.  Bad: Very sick baby in hospital + complete absence of desire to celebrate anything.

Christmas 2010 was better.  I got hip to the fact that a pre-lit tree was the way to go, Ezra and I made a gingerbread house and we stuffed Iris in a Santa suit.

Christmas 2011, I think, is going to be where it's at, though.  I have needed something to be excited about for some time.  Ezra is 3 and a half and Gets It (whatever "It" might be) and Iris is 2 and mobile and has definite opinions and is very wiley.  I'm not sure what "very wiley" has to do with Christmas except that she'll be more cognizant of what's going on around her.

I've started to get good ideas about Stuff and all I have to do is say to T is, "I have a good idea..." and he girds his loins and tosses back a stiff drink as he more than likely knows that this good idea will have him roped into something against his will, however, for the betterment of Family Fun he takes one for the team and I soooo knows he has a good time regardless.  Exclamation point.

So here is what I am thinking I would like to do with the fam this year:

1. Decorate the Christmas tree, all four of us.
2. Take the kids to Toys R' Us and have each of them pick out a toy and donate it to the Salvation Army's Angel Tree.
3. There is a farm nearby that has farm animals (legitimate ones, too, no random camels or whatnot) that people can pet and hold and learn about.  They also do a live nativity. 
4. Elf on a Shelf
5. Our local botanical gardens displays decorated Christmas trees from countries around the world and I think the small fries would dig looking at them, so a visit there is on the list.
6. Figure out with T how we want to do our family foursome Christmas.  Christmas morning before going to my parent's house?  Christmas Eve?  Hmmm.
7. I want to maybe make Iris a new stocking.  My mom made mine which I hang.  I then made one for T when we started dating, and I made one for Ezra for his first Christmas.  I don't really like Iris'--I feel like I rushed and it's hoopty--so I'm going to re-do hers.
8. Make gingerbread houses again.
9. Make cookies for our neighbor, Ms. B.

Do you have anything special on your Christmas to-do list?

Nosey Nancy: Thanksgiving foods edition

Lately, I have been craving turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and stuffing and ROLLLSSS and buttterrrr like it's my motherscratching job.  As a result, I may need to pre-party for Thanksgiving.




What about you?

1. What one Thanksgiving Day food can the sun not set on before you try?  
2. What are your feelings on giblets?
3. What time do you eat on Thanksgiving?--is it more of a lunch or a dinner?
4. Do you dress more formally for the get together on that day or do you crack out your buffet waist pants and get down to business.

Random useless tidbits

We're going to Ohio next week for Thanksgiving and Ezra is EX.CI.TED.  I told him the hotel had a pool and he opened his drawer and got out his swimming suit.

But I really don't want to pack for this trip. Or think about naps that will be missed. 

Gah.

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Speaking of Ezra and water, he has had fluid and funk in his ears for over two months now.  While draining (kinda) the canal is so clogged that his pediatrician can't even tell if the tube is still in place.  She thinks probably so if it's draining a tidgy bit.  It's funky, though, people.

So we head back to the ENT next week so that his ear can literally be vacuumed out.  Ezra is always scratching at it, so I think it will help.

****

Two post birthday funnies: When Iris woke up from her nap, Ezra greeted her with, "Good AFTERNOON, BIRTHDAY GIRL!

Also, we taught him to say, "Go shorty, it's your birthday..." and that was kind of awesome.

****


I think I scored a super fabulous deal on a new, never used kids Aerobed via Craigslist for traveling sleepovers while we're in the hotel. And it comes with the pump so that T won't have an aneurysm while trying to blow it up.

A good deal warms the cockles of my heart.


****


A PF Changs is opening today where I live and I can't even really explain my excitement.  I plan on eating lettuce wraps until I explode.  

Until now, T and I would either drive an hour in one direction on a daydate to go the closest PF Changs or eat at the one Chicago if we happened to be there.  But now?--the lettuce wraps are in town and better know to bring it.

****

Courtesy of MFA Mama I bring you the best poster in all the world>

Good times, good times

So on Saturday we kicked it old school for Muffin's birthday and hung out just the four of us.  I just couldn't throw together a party with T having been gone all week plus having to work on Sunday.  So the party will come next weekend. Cat-themed, no less.  

Saturday was delightful. There was Cracker Barrel (which causes Ezra to lose his mind and eat all the things because he loves it so) (he will actually shout from the car once he spots it from the highway) (my son!) and the public museum and some loooong naps by everyone resulting in quiet time for me.  

It was perfect.

Oh my lord. His face!

Upon uploading these, realized that we got
photobombed BY TIGGER!

Always a blankie at the ready.

Astronaut loving family.

Roaring like a dinosaur.

Folks, this is the V. Dramatic face we get often.

"Nevermind. I'm good."