Speshul

Work has been ridiculous and so because I don't feel like this is the best place to share any of what has been going on (nor do I want to bore you more than usual), I offer up pictures. 

It's all I got, folks.

Oh, holy hell

Fort + library books

A library book on the body systems that
scared THE PANTS off Ezra. 

I told him he looked like The Colonel.

This may look like hugging, but it was
wrestling. Iris ADORES wrestling.

Picnicking

I had lots of words prepared for you explaining why I hate public bathrooms, especially, ESPECIALLY, at work, but I decided to instead regale you with pictures of a fast food lakeside picnic Ezra, Iris and I had yesterday evening.

Work has been sucking my will to live, so I got in early and then left early. The weather was delightful and the chicken nuggets Brought It--but they usually do.

Also, might I suggest you sample the Wild Berry Lemonade from Wendy's. While I'm sure it is chockful of things not even remotely of this earth, what is does have an ample supply of is tastiness. I recommend.

"Let my people gooooo...."

The tasty drink I mentioned above.

I die.

Not going to sugarcoat it, there was some
suspicion over the all the nature.

What's awesome here is that a couple was
fishing, but the ALSO had cheesballs for a
snack. Talk about having your priorities
in alignment.

Practicing his signature move the Steamrolla.

Dude, I don't even know

I generally try to not talk about work here mainly because: a) I don't want it to come back and bite me in the can and b) work is usually Mellow Marvin.

But work lately has NOT been Mellow Marvin and I pretty much want neck punch a hot mess bunch of folks and tell them to shape up.  

A friend/co-worker and I have decided that our new office mission statement should be:

Handle yo' shit.

Because, really, if you're handling what has been assigned to you and only you--then there is no reason, and perhaps very little time, for you to be concerned about what I'm doing or not doing.

So there's a lot of dysfunction going on and it's a ridiculous on so many levels and there is little hope of it being different any time soon.

In other (possibly) less dysfunctional news, I decided to go the way of the maxi dress.  Sure, I've seen others wear them with some or no success and I wasn't sure they were meant for me.  I have jiggly bits and fo' sho' I am not trying to wear Spanx under a full-length jersey dress. That doesn't even make sense (even if it is warranted).

But on Saturday I am going to J the Fabulous Nanny's first bridal shower and then in the afternoon we are hosting Ezra's "friends" birthday party. It is also going to be 85 and humid. I will need to look cute all day. Balls alive.

So I thought to myself that if I could find a cute maxi dress and load up on bangles and pull my hair up, that I miiiiight be able to remain cute from event to event. Ugh.

After polling Twitter, I ventured to Target to Kohl's then back to Target. It was determined that:

• Jersey is of the devil on my lower half (shocker) 
• That I'm not ready for spaghetti straps--not because my rack is formidable, but because we'll be at a kids party and I am a bit of wienie and don't be fiddling with my nonsense for two hours
• That anything with a seam mid-hip is a DISASTER in terms of a flattering cut
• Floaty fabrics are ideal
• I am unwilling to pay anything more than thirty dollars for something that is kinda like jammies
• It needs to not drag on the ground because that grosses me out 

The second trip to Target proved fruitful and I am now in the possession of a maxi dress that I am not quite sure T will think is legit clothing, but that I think is kind of cute and didn't even cost me twenty bucks.

Of course, I'd post a picture of it here but Target's website is as useless as poo.

Nosey Nancy: Sleepytime Edition

As I crawled into bed last night, I had a thought I wondered how you all do it.  Get ready for bed, that is.

1. What do you wear to bed?
2. What is one thing you have to do before you retire to your sheets?
3. Do you fall asleep to music or the television?
4. What time do you fall asleep?

Sunday

Sunday was full of early morning brunch and coffees and feeling tired but feeling surrounded by family and mostly being sweaty because suddenly the weather is warm and sunny.

I don't like being sweaty, but I love my family.

Not where I want to; everywhere I want to be

My career and hobbies and interests feel staid.

My marriage and friendships chug along and I have to make a dutiful effort to foster and pay attention to those adults that are important to me.

I miss traveling and reading books effortlessly and with time to spare.

Ezra has started ending his sentences with "...you know?" but still has smooshy toddler hands.

Iris is lanky and likes to say "CHEETAH!" and has started holding her pen and crayons with the correct gasp.


T cares for me with all of his heart.

Love/hate Friday

Love: The first week back at school for Iris has been smooth sailing.  Our routine in the morning is down pat, our routine in the evening is getting better and she is doing really well while there. Eating and sleeping and with talks from her teachers of soon moving to the early pre-school room.

Hate: This means she is big enough to be AN EARLY PRE-SCHOOLER. Holy crap on a stick.

Love: I have a new phone and it is not acting like a douche.

Hate: It sucked out my contacts and so I'm slowly adding them back in.  So if I used to text you inappropriate things, feel free to resend me your number and include your name so that I don't have to respond with "I don't know who this is..." and look like weasel.

Love: That I have figured out to get the pictures I take on my phone to myself via email. Look, I never said I was bright. Okay?

Hate: I have been staying up too late and now am very, very sleepy.

Love: Your complete and utter kindess on my post about being a bitch ass ho. In fact, when I read each comment and if you used that phrase, I laughed out loud. Thank you.

Hate: I ate a salad from Smashburger that made me feel kind of very cootie. It was...not good. Not like Salmonella Not Good but holy crap on a stick not healthy and ooooffff. Listen, if I think something isn't healthy--then you best be warned. I'm not exactly the world's cleanest eater. Ahem.

Love: My husband

Hate: My husband's fleeting memory. As in, Me: "Hey, when you're downstairs can you bring up toilet paper and kleenex?" Him: "Sure." (30 seconds later) Me: "Where are the kleenex?" Him: "I forgot." Criminy.

Love: It is sunny today and I get to work (used loosely) in my office and look outside at the sky.

Hate: Holy ball sacks I've only been at work AN HOUR?! Eeek. This does not bode well for the remaining seven.

Love: This picture I took of my small people this morning.

And then this picture that perhaps shows a plan Iris may have put in motion for emptying her bed of everything valuable (five stuffed animals + two blankies) and then jumping ship. Thwarted only by me walking into her room this morning.

What are you loving and hating?

Dress assistance, please

My youngest brother and the former J the Fabulous Nanny are getting married this August (they were dating before she cared for Iris--this is no Lifetime movie, folks) and I would like your help choosing a dress for me to wear.

My main dilemma is knowing how fancy or not fancy to get. Also, narrowing down the bazillion number of options there are out there.

The details:

Again, the wedding is in August and the reception is outside so I'm assuming it's going to be balls hot.

It's going to be in the evening at the art museum, but is still semi-formal. The moms and J's one attendant are wearing knee length dresses. The men are wearing summer weight (but not linen) suits and fabulous (but not bow-tie) ties.

I am not in the wedding, but Ezra and Iris are.

The requirements:

I have to be able to wrangle and carry and feed small people in it. This means no strapless (undergarment shenanigans) dresses.

I have to be able to be kind of...sweaty in it. This means no dark colored silks or whatnot as I am so trying to be pitted out while wearing it.

I am a pear-shaped size 8 with a small rack. Vintage-style designs with a nipped waist and a flared skirt appeal to me the most. Pencil skirts or sheaths are fine if they're cut well but they often aren't as comfortable.

I'm usually pretty fair but by that time of the summer will more than likely be tan.

I'm going to have my hair up so that I'm not a Sweatball McGee with droopy hairs.

I don't want to spend more than $100 mainly because I've seen lots of dresses that I like for under that so spending more seems ridiculous.

Here are some that I like (all from Mod Cloth): 



Fantastical Floral


A-Flutter with Glee


Thanks a Latte


 
Stripe It or Not


Love You a Blot


So yeah. 


Thoughts? Other suggestions? Am I not being fancy enough? 


Help.

Meats

The other night while driving through the neighborhood, Ezra shouted, "I SMELL MEAT!" We both "mmmmmm"ed for a bit because hot damn do grilled meats smell delightful.


This then went down.


Me: You know, some people don't eat meat. They're called vegetarians.


Ezra: Yeah. AND THEY DON'T MAKE GOOD CHOICES!


So, according to Ezra, vegetarians, guys in jail, and the Incredible Hulk are one in the same.


Sorry R.


(Heh.)

I am kind of a strung out wienie

Sometimes I am awfully disappointed in who I am.

On Sunday night I was Swiffering the kitchen floor and was completely being a wienie about having spent the last 40 minutes measuring and parseling out and packing up Iris’ food and milk for the next day.  Forty minutes at the end of the day, especially starting at 9:00pm, is not a Good Time for me. I’m tired and want to be in bed and the entire Sunday had been exhausting and, oh!, the litany went on in my head. I had to make a conscious decision to stop the interior moan fest and even went as far to call myself a bitch ass ho.  Maybe extreme, but entirely appropriate (if not a little potty mouthed). Because, I mean, come on now. Moaning about preparing food for MY DAUGHTER WHO USED TO NOT EAT BY MOUTH?

Yeah. Ridiculous.

But there it was/is. I get tired and any additional thing is a hardship. Back in the day of six weeks ago, I could prepare her Pediasure bottles for school in less than five minutes. Now it is longer as we have to write down everything she is offered, everything she eats and then the difference in amount. Everything is measured out in grams before and after and then recorded. She gets three meals at school and then two at home which T and I went ahead and made since once is at 7am (sleeeepy) and one is 5:45pm (buuuussssy). Earlier in the day I grocery shopped, prepared and pureed fifteen different foods for her to eat throughout the week.

The routine is new and I have a hard time with new. New means different and sometimes harder and readjusting and sometimes I feel too tired and overwhelmed for all that.

I guess, sometimes I just want to know when things are going to get easier. When things will stop being so hard and too much.

And stop being new. I am mostly over new things that are hard. New things that are fabulous are always welcome, but they seem to be fewer in population lately and this bums me out.

My life is a good one and in so many ways we are fortunate. The last two and a half years, however, have left me feeling kind of strung out and weathered and on some days I feel it an awful lot.

Random useless tidbits

My phone went down in a blaze of error messages and general pissiness late Friday and a new one is on its way to me via Verizon.

While I have missed my friends on Twitter and am peeved that all of my pictures and all of my contacts went up in smoke, it's been kind of nice to be disconnected.

Have no fear, though, I have been stalking its delivery via FedEx and have also been pestering T at work to pick it up for me tonight.

****

Iris is back at school today and all last night I had dreams about feedings gone bad--like Iris not eating enough, gagging a lot, the teachers forgetting the important nuances, just basically the last six weeks going down the toilet.

I also dreamt that Belgium is only three hours away.  Making it, in my dreams at least, closer than Canada. Also, Belgium looked very war torn and post-apocalyptic and with lots of highways and youth hostels.  Having never been, I can't attest to this accuracy.

****

On Friday and Saturday, Iris and I had tummy bugs from hell. For her it meant lots of wretching (she can't throw up due to her Nissen) and not good meal times and diapers of your nightmares. For me, it felt like my stomach wanted to jump out of my skin and just gross low energy. 

Saturday morning she and I both lived on the living room rug and, with pillows next to one another, snuggled and slept and kept the DVR on a constant loop of Curious George and Octonauts. T and Ezra kept their distance.  

By Sunday morning all was right with the world (and its diapers).


****


After six weeks of being out of her routine at school, I was dreading this morning's drop-off. I lingered a bit, though, and even fed her myself at 8:30. 

Iris was fine when I left 30 minutes later. Ezra was happy that she was in the classroom next door. I heaved a sigh of relief.

****

I am always impressed when I see someone smoking a cigarette without use of their hands AND also while talking. 

That's some dedication right there.

****

I have to work this Saturday and balls alive I don't want to. 

****

A friend on Twitter suggested awhile ago that I may have a problem when it comes to watching "Burlesque." Lord alive, I think she might be right.

If that movie is on, I will watch it. How can I not? It is bad acting and catchy songs and saucy outfits and more bad acting at its very best. VERY.BEST.


****

Tonight I am making Erica's Cheesy Ranch Chicken crockpot meal (I even sprinkle bacon on top) and it rocks steady all night long.

Ezra waxed on at length about this meal while we were pulling out of the driveway:

"Mama, that crockpotty stuff is so good. AND IT HAS BACON. And we haven't had it in forrrreverrrrr. And we put it on noodles which is my FAVORITE. And I love the sauce and the bacon and the chicken and cheesy ranch stuff and yeah. I love it."

****

I'm not looking forward to Mother's Day for a whole host of reasons but mainly because it's a day that, because I have to be at work the day prior, will not be spent relaxing or off my feet at home. 

Whatever.

****

Last week it was hot and 85 and humid and I turned on our air and bought more sunscreen for the kids' cubbies at school. Now it is 58 and raining.

However, my rhododendrons are out and about and I've sicced T on spraying them down with chemicals so that the rat bastard bugs don't eat them like they did last year.

Say what you want about chemicals, Al Gore, but I am all take no prisoners when it comes to my flowering perennials.