Fill 'er up

Lately, my brain has been feeling super full. There is no better way to describe it really. It's as if there is room for only so much and it's now working at full capacity, perhaps with some sloshing over the edge. Who knows.

The percentages of occupancy can be broken down as follows:

80% Current stressful situation

15% E

2% T

1% The epic proportions of tiredness I feel

1% Work

1% Everything else*


*Everything else can be classified as (in no particular order): keeping in contact with friends, eating, reading, laundry, making sure the house doesn't look mass destruct-o, spending time with family, blogging, watching my DVRs, making dinner, returning phone calls.

Two things that have not made the list: shaving my legs and grocery shopping. As a result I'm hairy like a wildebeest with no food in the fridge.

Changing gears slightly, the most recent bump in the road to me creating culinary cuisines after work is the fact that E loses his ever-loving mind at precisely 5:47pm. He is SO HUNGRY. He hangs from the door to the fridge while making agonizing faces as if the evil Ms. Deb and Ms. Marilynn at daycare never feed him.

Since we get home at 5:30pm at the earliest, it is a struggle---on a good day---to wrangle him and his clear malnourishment (thigh rolls be damned) within 15 minutes of walking in the door. While I would love to give him something "warm" for dinner, sometimes his dinner is a strange hodgepodge of a sandwich, a veggie, some cheese, two fruits and some crackers. It works and it keeps him from coming out of his skin at 5:50pm. (Believe me, I pushed it once and he went so ape that he simply was inconsolable and cried the entire time--of course, he was crying and still shoving food in his maw. Lesson learned.)

It is important to note that I and one entire side of my family are this exact same way with regards to food. One minute, "No, I'm fine. Not quite hungry yet." The next? Holy hell, FEED ME NOW. In the early days, this made T a little nervous--now he's onto us and is forever gauging the Levels of Hunger.

Where was I going with this? Hmmm.

I don't know. Other than to let you know that I know I've been remiss with the posting due to having full brain and an empty baby.

Oh! And if you have any ideas for a quicky dinner (we're talking 10 minutes or less) or meal ideas, I could clearly use the help.

True grit

I felt early on like I pretty much knew what kind of character T was working with--even-keeled, kind, generous with just a dash of fun at laughing at others (you know, when they trip and stuff). But in early times of relationships, you can't (or at least I couldn't) help but wonder if maybe he was going to go batshit crazy on me in Month 7. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

Perhaps the brightest light was shone on what kind of man he is was during a weekend trip we took early on in our relationship. We planned to go to the DIA in Detroit to see the new Van Gogh exhibit that just opened and to stay at the Renaissance. All was well until his car suddenly died on 94. From that point on the Saturday/Sunday getaway involved:

1. Walking down the highway and jumping a hoopty fence to get into a Holiday Inn to find a payphone to call a tow truck. T wanted me to stay with the car but I was afraid of getting snagglepussed.
2. Finally having the tow truck driver arrive (with his 6 year old daughter) and having all us cram into the cab of tow truck. I rip my pants in the butt and get oil all over my cream coat.
3. Getting lost in Detroit. Tow truck driver had never heard of or been to the Renaissance Center. We spent two hours in the car together. Within the city limits.
4. Finally parking the car in the hotel structure.
5. Deciding to go to the exhibit anyway since we'd already paid for our timed tickets. I am still wearing pants with extra butt hole and a greasy coat.
6. Having a nice dinner out
7. Watching Britney Spears on SNL via a comfy bed
8. Riding the three hours from Detroit to back home with the tow truck driver on the left, me snuggled in the middle and T on the right.
9. Leaving T with a $700 tow truck bill and a $2000 car repair bill

Through all of this, T never once snapped at me, swore, got angry or pouted. For me, that weekend cemented what kind of man I was getting.

Don't get me wrong--we've had moments. But by and large the reason I think we got such a mellow baby is because T pretty much rolls with the punches without getting too riled up.

The point of all this is to mention that we've been sorting through some cuh-rap at home. A stressful situation I wouldn't wish on anyone. Through it, though, T and I have managed to keep it down to one person wigging out at a time and keep talking about the best way to proceed. And even laugh and sometimes temporarily shelve what looms waiting out in front of us. I don't think I could do this with any other man.

Thank heavens I don't have to.

Down and dirty

As borrowed from The Ambitious Mrs.

Apparently, it's good for the soul to be honest. And so here are a few things that I've been keeping on the downlow.

1. I sometimes don't eat a fruit or vegetable in an entire day. This makes me feel alternately sad (I do love the fruits) and wtf?

2. I recently realized that I wish that my 20 year old-self had worn less clothes and shown more skin. When I think of my body then, I should have had the insight to know that it wasn't getting any better than that exact moment. Hitting 30 and then having a baby? Lordy, I have to work out more now just to maintain the slim margin of suitability. Being 20? I drank a ridiculous amount of vodka and never worked out and was probably a good 30 pounds lighter.

3. The Military Channel, Gwen Eiffel and her panel as well as football broadcasters make me need to leave the room. I just cannot stomach watching these channels/shows.

4. I almost always forget to give E his supplemental vitamin in the evening. However, I am pretty quick to the draw if I think he needs Motrin. Motrin all around, I say!

5. I am very bad about remembering to shave. I just seem to run out of time, energy and/or willingness. This makes me feel bad for T as he deserves smoother business.

6. I feel nervous about any potential babies after E getting the shaft. You know, hand-me-down stuff, no baby book, runner up names and whatnot. My mom says that babies won't know the difference, but I will. Am going to try and keep it on the upandup for them.

7. I can easily eat a pound of bacon in one sitting. Not necessarily something I'm proud of, but yet surprisingly easy to do. See, so you start cooking five slices in the pan. Then you transfer the slices to their little paper towel/dinner plate bed to cool off. Then you cook another five slices. While that batch is cooking, you eat 2-3 slices. Transfer. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Then you're done cooking, and still want to eat your eggs and toast. With bacon. End scene with bacon entirely decimated.

So, what would you like to get off your chest?

Seedy admissions preferred.

Vacation: by the numbers

Days gone: 7

Saturday to Saturday

Showers taken: 5-ish

I believe Sunday and Thursday were missed

Times I actually used makeup: 2

For a birthday dinner and for shopping

New words E says: 5

book, banana/nana, more, papa, ni-night

Visits to outlet mall: 1

Parcels from outlet mall: Many

Trips to the beach so that E and I could people watch: 3

Trips to the pool in the backyard: Bazillions

Rage induced by the floaty we purchased for E to use in said pool: 2

One time we tried, second time we were suckers

Days T was gone for a business trip to Milwaukee: 1 1/2

It's hard to compete with a family that plans a year in advance

Number of times I burned my nose in the sun: 5

Days with 80 degree temps and sun: 5

Years until we do this again with the entire family: hopefully not many

Livin' off the grid

I am off to the beach to introduce Small Fry to the sand, hang out with family that makes me wet my pants with laughter and eat an inordinate amount of DoubleStuffed Oreos.

See you on the 20th!

A picture of E from the 4th staring at a trolley lined up outside of our house getting ready for the parade. This picture makes me laugh because it totally looks like he's poking that poor woman in the butt. Ha!

Check, please!

Between the hours of 6:03am and 6:30am this morning, the following occurred:

6:03am--Wake up and sigh heavily about itchy, gooey eyes; wonder what awaits me in the mirror; creep ninja style to E's room to close door; shuffle to bathroom

6:04am--Gasp in horror at what eyes have done over night; decide to go to doctor before work; flush toilet

6:07am--Gasp again in mirror (wtf?! with the eyes?!); turn on shower; shuffle to closet to put glasses out of the way; step in a crap-ton of water; put glasses back on since I am blind in order to figure out where the hell the water came from

6:15am--Mop up water from bizarro overflowing toilet; use all clean NICE towels in closet that were JUST washed and JUST folded the night before

6:16am--Hearing insane waterfall of nonsense coming from downstairs; rush downstairs, avoiding creaky step so as to not wake E; T still passed the eff out

6:16am--Shriek in despair; grab bucket from hall closet to catch falling water; grab random towels used for cleaning to mop up water on entryway rug; wonder when the hell we're going to need to replace the ceiling in that area; also wonder if light will electrocute me since it is on and I am standing in water with no clothes on

6:20am--Discover MORE water in living room; mop that up

6:23am--Head through kitchen to grab Swiffer and wet Swiffer cloth to clean slightly grody floor in upstairs bathroom; realize that kitchen lights are on and I still don't have any clothes on

6:25am--Swiffer bathroom floor; Cholorox wipe the toilet; take entire closet full of towels down to laundry room and stuff every last towel into washing machine; start it up

6:27am--Walk through living room and step full fledge on grape, mashing it into rug; then step on crinkly grape stem and have it crumble; curse T and his sloppy nighttime snacking; vacuum both up

6:29am--Here E starting to wake-up; discover MORE water in bedroom; mop up water with jammies from last night as all towels are in washer

6:30am--Launch into shower

So, here I am at 2:33pm and things have improved marginally. I don't have pink-eye but rather two generic eye infections. The drugs that I need that are apparently fast-acting and generally ass-kicking are in stock at my pharmacy. And I today is my last day of work until Monday the 20th.

Things can only look up from here.

I hope.

Let me put on my thinking cap

In going through the rigmarole for E's tubes procedure this week, I pre-registered him over the phone yesterday morning. DOB, parent's name, insurance coverage, etc.

Race?

I totally stumbled on this one. And I mean with a very eloquent, "Uh, er...(silence)." The kind woman on the phone offered up, "Caucasian?" "Sure," I said.

Except this didn't feel like the right answer. Not like I lied, really, more like if someone held up a tomato and were to ask me, "Is this a vegetable?" I'd waffle. There's that whole fruit incognito controversy and no one can seem to really agree on what category the tomato really falls under.

I don't really think of E as white. He tans like no one's business and has really nice curly hair, but mainly I don't think of him as white because his father isn't white.

I don't think of him as African-American because T doesn't identify as African American. He's simply African.

Is E biracial? This is probably the most accurate description, but it felt awkward asking if this were an option.

Mixed? I loathe this descriptor for people of any combination of ethnicities or cultures. It's generic and makes me think of Mixed Fruit or Mixed Drinks; great for that, bad for people.

Barack Obama is kind of in the same boat (American mother, Kenyan father) and he identifies as black or African American.

My gut is to let E choose how the world sees him. To have him control the words, the personality, the emotions that he shares with others and to have that create a more accurate picture of who this person actually is.

And, I guess, for those times when he has to check a box--he can decide at that precise moment what feels most comfortable. Even if that changes the next time he has to check that box.

It won't change who he truly is and that's what matters.

For your nighttime viewing pleasure

I give you Baby with His Leg Through the Slats of His Crib.

I'll take Door #2

So, here's the thing...you should check this out:

http://livewellspendwell.com

And this is why...

You can read even MORE what I have to say.

You can win stuff.

You can learn about fabulous things that we have tried and tested so that you don't have to be the sucka who wasted money.

You can know that almost everything costs under $15.00.

And, again, you can win stuff.

Come on...get to it. Check it out.

Sweet meat

Courtesy of my friend loveball:

Random useless tidbits--Hammer time*

• While buying stamps the other day, I heard a man ask, "Now can I still get a passport if I have a felony conviction?" Sigh.
• It is 59 degrees here. And July 1. Jacked.up.
• I am getting yet another cold. Sore throat, hurty ears, achy body, shivers. Tonight I am lone wolf with E while T is traveling and I would like nothing better than to go to bed in my sock monkey pajamas.
• Something that riles me up faster than I don't know what? Douches who run in the road when the sidewalk is more than willing to accommodate their exercise needs. I am a-okay with sharing the road with bike rider (but don't get me excited on those mofos who don't obey the rules of the road, but want equal treatment), but runners? I'll even cut you some slack in the winter when the sidewalks aren't shoveled. But it's JULY. In my cranky peri-sickness state I was seriously tempted to run down an asshat who decided to run down the middle of the road and then give me the stink eye when I didn't swerve around him until the last minute. I also may or may not have yelled at him to "get his butt on the sidewalk." Don't worry--E didn't bear witness to this hostility. I was on my lunch break.
• Right now I am heavily addicted to nacho cheese.
• My friend loveball just informed me that she recently purchased...(*que the heavenly trumpets*)...chocolate covered bacon at Whole Foods. We will be sampling it this weekend and I will let you know all about it.
• I have commitment issues with hair stylists and have been known to whore around. My current stylist is at a salon that I love going to and is perhaps the sweetest woman on all the earth. My haircuts, though? Meh. I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt because I am in the midst of a heinous growing out period, and that's hard for any stylist to truly soften the blow of. But I think I might be getting short shrifted and may Scooby Shuffle back to a stylist I had a few years ago. She was lovely. Grass is greener, I guess.
• I don't work a full week of work until the second week of August. Jack pot.
• For our upcoming vacation, I bought new beach towels at Costco. They're ginormous and patterned in a sassy fashion.
• The hork smell has disappeared from our living room. I think the cootie smell was wafting in from outside v. our rug.
• E is getting tubes in ears next week. Ear infections that withstood three rounds of different antibiotics and didn't disappear are clearly tough as nails and not to be messed with. Apparently, the surgery is routine and minor but still makes me Nervous Nellie. I took the day off so that both T and I could hover over him.
• I am knee deep in the third Twilight book. Sweet Jesus, they're good.
• Phone calls that aren't returned don't really bother me. Emails that aren't returned or followed up on make me so insane.
• I need some tank tops before going on vacation. Have a 1/2 day tomorrow and think I may hit up Old Navy.
• A co-worker and I came up with an idea to put trundle beds under a portion of our desks for easy napping. Perhaps the best idea evah.

*Okay, really I meant "bullet-style" but Hammer time sounded better. And makes absolutely no sense.