A quiet head...BECAUSE IT'S CHOCK-FULL OF SNOT

So whatever I last wrote about Iris being sick was a load of bunk because stuff went down the toilet pretty quickly after I hit "Publish." Because, of course, it did.

She got worse, I fretted and got panicky about the hospital, she got a tidgy bit better, T and I were felled like mighty oaks, Iris finally was better by Sunday, T and I are still sick.

I don't know. So things have been pretty quiet mostly because I've been struggling to talk and breathe and parent. T was dying a slow death in a manky hotel room (for drama's sake let's say "manky," but let's be up front and acknowledge that he always stays in very nice hotels) (and gets room service steak and booze) (arghhhhh). 

At any rate, that is what last week was comprised of.

This coming weekend T and I are doing an in town getaway (I almost typed "staycation" but I mostly really hate that stupid made up word) as a means for my parents to get their sea legs in staying with the kids for a stretch of time and also for the kids to get used to Grammy and Grandpa manning the fort. All of this in preparation for our vacation June. 

So we're going to check into a hotel on Friday night, hang out, sleep, maybe see some movies, go to nice dinner Saturday night and basically lounge until we go home Sunday. I'm mostly looking forward to it, but am wienie enough that I'm worried about missing the kids. I know. I KNOW. If any of you had written those words about hotel! and movies! and I'm a boo-hoo baby and worried!, I would straight up roll my eyes and call you "ridiculous." For real. But I don't know. I am the one that takes care of the children 80% of the time, so being away from them and their care feels foreign.

If anything, this weekend will be good for me. I am moderately worried about missing them a lot while we're gone for a week in Mexico. I know in my heart of hearts it'll be fiiiiiiiiine, and I would encourage any of you to go away for a week in a freaking heartbeat. And I'm not second guessing this vacation with T because I think, no, I KNOW that we need it but yeah. It'll be different. We've been in the trenches for five years with small fries and to be yanked out of it for seven days will take some reacclimating. Hell, I'm not even worried, really, about something happening--I'm worried about missing them. Which I realize is kind of lame, but there it is. It's not like they're going anywhere. Ezra and Iris will still be at our house after seven days. And talking. Always with the talking.

Speaking of talking, Iris has turned into quite the motor mouth. Imagination and words running wild. So much so that she is unfocused and unmotivated at meal times and we've had to go back to the feeding clinic for tips on getting her back on track. She's not motivated to eat (this can and may take years) and now that self-feeding isn't a novelty and words are, well, we're having to employ new protocol. To be honest, it's a hassle. But she's not a normally developed eater and when my patience runs thin at meal times (which is often), I have to remind myself of this. Of course, her imagination is amusing. "I hear Elmo calling me!" "Catch the birdie, Mama! He wants watermelon and cheese!" "I have an ouchie and need a bamb-baid (band-aid)." "I need puffs in my hair NOW." 

What else...oh! Ezra had his kindergarten screening last week and it took 10 minutes and I wasn't privy to the initial results--we receive a letter later,--but I'm sure it was fine and he didn't want to leave. At all. He needed to sit in the lobby for a few minutes before we left, presumably for him to absorb the ambience of big kids who have their own backpacks.

At a friend's birthday party.

Before walking to kindergarten screening. 

Reading an old issue of "Cat Fancy"
magazine that a friend gave her. She, um,
LOVES IT.

Random useless tidbits (of dubious enjoyment)

On Saturday morning I went to the ER with a kidney stone. It came out of nowhere and knocked me on my ass forrrrrrrrr...about two hours. Like a thief in the night, it stole my Saturday morning jammie time. 

Timeline:

3:30am: Wakeup and feel odd. Maybe a UTI?

6:15am: Ezra appears in our room and I realize my back hurts. Did I sleep funny?

6:30am: Move around. Something feels off and not good. Decide to get ready and run into the ER that is two minutes from our house.

7:00am: Feeling more off.

7:20am: Admitted to the ER, pee in a cup, see a doctor, feel thankful I live in the city that I can do all of this having left the house 5 minutes prior.

7:30am: BAD PAIN. Get sweaty. IV of Zofran and Dilaudid.

7:40am: Puke. Pass out. Another hit of dilaudid.

7:50am: Appendix?, says the doctor. I don't care, I respond. More dilaudid.

8:15am: CAT scan. 

8:30am: Pain immediately shuts off. Like a light switch. 

8:40am: Kidney stone spotted and is suddenly gone.

9:30am: Discharged and my parents run over and pick me up since I've been given a boatload of narcotics in less than two hours. 

Pain hasn't been back since, so WTF kidney stone? Nice hit and run, motherscratcher.

****

Iris got sick early Monday morning. Cough, fever, weepy willie. The little muffin woke up at 1:30am on Monday morning kind of a sweatball and unable to stop coughing. I dosed her up with ibuprofen and busted out her Xopenex nebulizer to help her airway. Poor gal woke up with baggies under her eyes on Monday morning from so much interrupted sleep.

So yesterday we hung out on the couch and she stayed fever free and watched Peter Pan until my head wanted to explode. I refilled her inhaler with the pulmonologist and did more nebulizer treatments before her nap and bedtime, but last night she slept hard and utterly quiet. 

I hope her cough settles down soon.

****

The weight loss and firming up of my jiggly bits is chugging right along. I've lost 15 pounds and have hit kind of a groove of what's working. I'm using Weight Watchers, but don't eat my weekly allowance points or my daily activity points. I weigh in Saturday morning and then don't count any points all day on Saturday as a sort of "cheat day." My headspace has changed just enough that I don't go off the rails and eat until I barf on Saturday, but having the freedom to eat whatever in a restaurant or eat a donut and not consider the points for just one day is, what I find, keeps me accountable and chugging right along the rest of the week.

I'm working out 4-5 times a week during my lunch break at work and I'm slowly seeing a change in my endurance and shape. I've mostly been doing the group weight lifting classes or the group Spinning classes--classes where I can burn the most and get the most body change for the time that I'm there. 

Slowly but surely, things are shifting.

****

Speaking of the gym, as I was coming out today, I narrowly avoided having my car towed for too many outstanding parking tickets. 

I know.

The police office cancelled the wrecker that was on his way, I apologized and paid it over the phone with the city's Treasurer Office which he kindly called from his cell phone. Kind police officer also lent me his pen which I used to write down the confirmation number after I paid a crapton of money.

I called T and explained, letting him know, that while I'm mostly on top of things in our life--undoubtedly something is slipping through the cracks; something I'm utterly unaware of lurking out there.

It just happened to be parking tickets this time around.

Noted!

****

I found an avocado in my car this morning. I ate it for lunch.

Wherein the chicken did indeed cross the road

A recent text exchange with my friend, J.

J: Yeah. That would be the neighbor's chicken in my dining room. WTF??

Me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Me: How'd it get in there?

J: That's what I would like to know! C (J's daughter) prob left the door open she got off bus. I hate chickens!

Me: BWAHAAAHAAAA! I'm laughing so hard. And I showed a co-worker. : )

Me: Did it crap in your house?

J: Better not even think about it. I'll have to move.

J: Barnyard music is playing in my head right now.

J: I've dealt with this chicken before. I think his time has come.

Me: You're havin' CHICKEN POT PIE TONIGHT.

Me: And how in the world have you "dealt with this chicken before"? (Haaaaaaaaaa.)

J: He's strutted over a time or two before. Little bastard.

Me: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Chicken fingers.

Weekend: nailed it

This weekend was really quite delightful.

Friday brought around hardcore sleepytimes and everyone conked out early. See below.

Saturday brought around T heading to Spinning and my mom stopping over for a visit that morning. Then we divided-and-conquered with the kids. T took Ezra to Target to find something to buy with his Tooth Fairy money (his tooth fell out on Wednesday at school) and also to Lowe's while Iris and I dumped off a trunkload of stuff at Goodwill, stopped at a used bookstore and ran by Pier 1. 

Related to the Pier 1 visit (wherein Iris kept wanting to snuggle with the pillows), I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to re-do the buffet/sideboard in our dining room. It's an antique of my grandmother's and it was still bearing sparkly winter trees from snowier days. Of course, it actually snowed Saturday and Sunday so those motherscratchers had to go. I scoured Pinterest for ideas of what to put on it and sketched out some ideas and shared them with Sara. (She and I share pencil sketches of home ideas. It's a thing that our husbands are less than enthused about.)

This is what I came up with:

And this is how it turned out:

Letter from Etsy, books from used book store,
clock from Pier 1, topiary and frame
from Target.

I used colors from the area rug and the dining room tablecloth to bring the yellow-y gold and the gray-silver together:

I'm pretty happy with how it turned out as it fills out the corner and makes the room warmer and less formal. Looking for large hardcover books at the used bookstore was perfect because they were cheap, I could be fickle about finding ones that matched the colors I wanted to highlight and I was able to choose titles that I'm okay with the kids grabbing and looking at (one on Georgia O'Keefe, one on gardening and one on Africa). T, however, moaned and clutched his pearls about a topiary being in our house. Wonders never cease on what it turns out he has strong feelings on. Lordy.

I suppose I shouldn't give T a lot of hassle because I kind of "asked" him to do a bunch of things around the house and he did them with zero grumbling. He reattached some loose knobs on Ezra's dresser, raked the yard and picked up wet twigs and leaves, and even replaced the furnace filter.

On Sunday, I decided to make some dehydrated strawberries. So easy! "Taste like candy!" they touted.

No.

Inexplicably, they smelled like sulfur and were squishy like eyeballs. Eyeballs that I'd cooked for three hours at 210 degrees. Fail. 

Spread out over the entire weekend but heavily concentrated on Sunday, Ezra watched Peter Pan about five times. 

I also put Iris' hair into puffs for the first time.

It was a good weekend.

How was yours?

Get in my BELLY

So how I meal plan is this:

• First, I'll look at my work schedule and T's travel schedule and figure out who is going to be home when. This makes a difference because when I work late on Wednesday nights, T and the kids eat Qdoba or something else fast. When T travels and I'm on the Reference Desk until 5, the kids and I don't usually get home until 5:45--so dinner needs to be on the table in 15 minutes. 
• Once the week's schedule is sketched out, I'll look through my fatty binder of recipes. In the fatty binder there are two sections: 1) recipes I've found, printed out and not yet tried and 2) recipes I've tried that are filed away. Only recipes that received a solid thumbs up from the fam get filed into the fatty binder. I try to pick 2-3 new recipes each week. I'll also usually scan Pinterest to see what looks tasty and do-able. FYI: I am browning jacksquat before I put it in the crockpot. 
• Then I'll plug meals into the slots on my calendar so that I know what we're having each weeknight. I have this calendar and inserts which are DREAMBOATS. Never should Martha be doubted. I could do an entire post on this calendar and how I had a dream the other night that I lost it and woke up super duper worried.
• Anyway! Then based on the meals planned, I'll make a grocery list and also include regular things that we're out of and eat often. I'll usually shop with one of the kids on either Saturday or Sunday.

Here are the meals (and links where I could scrounge them up) that we've eaten for the past few weeks or so: 

• Cheesy ranch chicken in the crockpot
• Spaghetti and meatballs
• Make your own pizza
• Raviolis and sauce
• Crockpot chicken and corn enchilada casserole
• Tacos
• Mini bacon egg cups
• Lasagna
• Macaroni bake with peas and ham (a Real Simple recipe I couldn't find online for you)
• Mexican stuffed shells
• Spring rolls with various dips
• Quiche
• Make your own calzone
• Sausage tortellini in crockpot
• Chicken nuggets + hummus
• Creamy pasta salad
• Rotisserie chicken briefcase and sweet potato fries
• Pancakes + sausage
• Creamy slow cooker tortellini soup
• Chicken spinach skillet
• Balsamic roast beef french dip
• Tuscan pasta w. tomato basil cream sauce
• Chicken sausage + wild rice
• Blane's cheesy noodles
• Gyros
• Guinness glazed slow cooker corned beef 
• Spinach quiche cups
• Mexicali skillet

A few other dinner details:

• Most of these recipes are made with Ezra in mind as he is the main eater of dinner at 6:00pm. If T is home, I'll serve him most things (he doesn't care for lasagna or raviolis and some other dishes). During the week, I'll usually eat later in the evening once the kids are in bed. I putz around in the kitchen while the kids eat at the breakfast nook. On the weekends, we all eat dinner together.
• Some of the recipes up there were pretty manky, but if they were I think I've probably already written about it.

Kind of what happens when I serve
pancakes.

Worries

Sometimes I get worried that I am hurting Ezra's feelings when I'm sharp and shout-y with him. Sometimes I get worried that Iris gets discounted too much because of being a second child. Sometimes I get worried that I'm not valuing T enough.

Sometimes I get worried that I'm not very smart or that I use words incorrectly. Sometimes I get worried that I'll never find pants that will adequately fit my lower half. Sometimes I get worried that a snake will come up through the toilet when I'm sitting on it at night.

Sometimes I get worried that among my friends and acquaintances online, that I'm "the girl who had a baby that died" or "the girl who had a premature baby." Sometimes I get worried that I offended someone. Sometimes I'm the one who was offended and get worried about speaking up. Sometimes I worry that I'm not a very good friend.

Sometimes it just helps to put the worries out there.

Input

As I've been working these past few months to reshape my body and my eating habits, I have been watching what I say about it around Ezra and Iris.

I do not say:

I can't eat that.
I lost weight this week!
That's not good for me.
I ate too much.
That has too many fat/calories/cheese.
I want to be skinny.
I don't want to be fat.
My (insert body part) is too (insert negative comment).

While I don't necessarily think I have too many hang-ups about my body or food, I want to Ezra and Iris to remain as oblivious about these things as long as possible. They both marvel at their bodies--as they should. "I did it!" Iris will shout. "Look at my muscles!" Ezra will ask.

That's how it needs to be. 

The weekend

Aside from being an utter ragecat thanks to PMS, this weekend was rather lovely.

My extra work-outs at the gym paid me back with a lower number on the scale Saturday morning and ridiculous soreness. I told myself that sweet, sweet pizza would be stuffed in my maw as a reward meal on Saturday night and I ended up not even wanting any. WW has ruined me.

The kids and I ran errands, saw my dad, saw friends, went to the botanical gardens to check out the butterflies, and also went to the library. I did some healthy meals food prep for the week and cleaned out Ezra and Iris' drawers and closets of winter clothes that no longer fit. Ezra saw his puffer vest in the Goodwill pile and proceeded to wear it over his jammies. T worked out, slept in, grilled meats and camped out in the bathroom for a hot second when I raged at him for carrying the clean clothes upstairs (good times). 

Ezra and I also had a dance party before bath time on Saturday night. I've been using my Kindle Fire to put music on and our new favorite is Taylor Swift's "22" (that shit is catchy). I taught him moves like the Sprinkler and the Jump Up and High Five Each Other and he taught me the Chicken which, you know, kind of looked like us imitating chickens. To Taylor Swift. It worked.

Looking for caterpillars.

Waxing poetic about the chrysalis.

Keeping it casual.

"HAY, GURL!"

I tried to make these.

They turned out like this and were completely
uncooked in the center despite cooking
them for twice the length of time. Blerg.

What's a happenin', hot stuff?

I have a ginormous pile of grody work to accomplish next to me but I'll be damned if I want to tackle any of it. I'm at work until 9pm tonight so maybe the urge will strike in the next six and a half hours. Or not. It's anyone's guess really.

Anyway.

I wanted to tell you quickly about two recipes that I made recently. One was completely manky. And one was pretty good but looked hoopty.

Manky recipe: Tuscan Pasta with Tomato-Basil Cream

It had all of the things that Ezra and T usually like--raviolis (rally-oolees, if you're asking Ezra), cream sauce, tomatoes, booze to cook with--and yet it tasted like poo-poo platter and I threw the recipe away. 

Thumbs down.






Tasty recipe: Make Your Own Calzones

I'm not sure anyone in my family truly tires of pizza, but if I can whip out something new using old ingredients than not only is my family fooled but I look like a genius. (These are benchmarks I try to hit on the regular.)

I did not make the dough, but rather used the Pillsbury dough in a tube and it worked out just fine. I did keep it fancy by brushing the calzones with egg and sprinkling pizza seasoning on them.

Inside we stuffed peppers, mushrooms, sausage, cheese, and sauce. Their baked forms turned out a bit odd, but I don't consider this a sign of failure. Both T and Ezra snarfed them down lickety split. 

Thumbs up!

Random useless tidbits

I'm chugging along on Weight Watchers and I'm very much enjoying how my body is slipping back to where it used to be many moons ago. It feels good. But as I told Jess just a few minutes ago, I am but a sneeze/cough/good time away from eating my weight in tasty things. I just love food a lot and, yeah, no one ever starved on Weight Watchers and I'm certainly eating things I like...just smaller amounts and that is hard for me. When I like something, I want it all and that's not necessarily conducive to feeling good or fitting into my pants.

****

I've started working out on my lunch hour and it is a freaking game changer. It has all the appeal of early morning work-outs---getting it out of the way, increased energy for the remainder of the day--without that heinous wake-up time. Praise Jesus because just say "no" to 4:30am, folks.

So I can get in/showered/out/back to work in 90 minutes and since I'm usually in early anyway, it's perfection. And it leaves my evenings free for the fam.

****

Our Easter was quiet. I made a ham and cheesy potatoes and rolls and a cake then ate too much and sonofabiscuit that sodium did a number on me. But, holy hell, did it taste good. 

My brother and J the Fabulous Sister in Law also came over and we decorated eggs. 

****

Ezra has a LOOSE TOOTH, folks! Guys, I'm so very excited about this. I can't even explain why nor did I see it coming, but I am! I'm always asking him how it's feeling and if it's any looser. I love it all so much.

I ordered him a little tooth fairy pillow and a book about a loose tooth that I remember reading when I was little. 

****

I went to visit Sam last week and I nibbled Ellie's baby thighs and sat on her couch and chatted and we went shopping at Trader Joe's and it made me sad when I left.

****

I am knee deep in enjoying Real Housewives on my DVR. Beverly Hills just wrapped up. Atlanta is almost done. Orange County just began. 

Delightful.

****

The weather is still cold here and it makes me want to punch a pony.

****

Nutballs.

What's going on with you?