Recent text conversation with T

T: Want anything from Costco?

Me: Oh! Maybe some white socks for working out?

Me: Don't go too nuts there. $$$

(Note: T at Costco is like me at Target. He comes home with meat, ginormous jugs of Absolut, dried fruit, juice, and about many hundreds of dollars poorer.)

T: K

T: No just getting fish

Me: Okay

Me: A generic bag of womens, low socks is fine. All of mine have holes in the heel.

T: Do we need walkie talkies?

(SEE! I TOLD YOU!)

Me: Um.

T: For emergencies

Me: Or shenanigans

Me: Do not buy walkie talkies

T: I guess that's a no

Me: Haaaaa. Yes. Yes, that is a "no."

T: How about

Snowboard.

Me: No

Random useless tidbits

Halloween costumes were procured for the small fries this weekend. Target kind of brought their a-game and I was impressed. 

Ezra and I browsed the aisles and I told him straight up, "We're going to pick it out together. Nothing too scary." He will tell you that is going to dress up as a Shiny Ninja, aka a gold PowerRanger. I even spent an extra ten dollars on a sword which makes swishing and metal-clanking noises. It also has an "off" button. 

Ezra and I debated on what to get Iris. I wanted to get her something that she could clearly identify and wouldn't be scratchy or terribly flammable (seriously, have you seen some of these kids costumes? It's a good thing they don't smoke). We went with an owl and she hugged it after she woke up from her nap.

****

I signed up for the Biggest Blogging Loser in hopes that my competitive drive will be a motivator to shed a few pounds.

I'm currently in my Happy Weight. It is the weight where I am really only active outside of the gym and eat pretty much whatever I want. It's a weight where some of my muscle tone has disappeared and I don't like the look of my legs in skirts.

My goal is a certain number and with some changes think I should be able to achieve.

Time will tell.

****

I am that mother that overdresses her children when it is cold outside. But after years (YEARS!) of Ezra having the world's jenkiest ears and Iris' overall delicate constitution (she's actually pretty hardy), I will stuff them in sweaters and coats and hats if it dips below 60 degrees. 

T thinks I'm crazy, but they play outside twice a day and thinking of cold ears and runny noses and coughs AND OH MY GOSH. Well, you understand.

****

The weekend was quiet. I had to teach on Saturday which ate up three hours mid-day. Ezra and Iris were getting over colds. Laundry, grocery shopping, and taking Ezra to the indoor swimming pool on Sunday and poof! It was Monday morning again. 

I have a bit of a furrowed brow about work this week as I have two dreaded classes. Three hour lectures. Boring stuff. Just...blech.

****

Lately, Iris has been saying, "Tank you, Mama." when I do something for her and I about die a million deaths each time.

Her brother, on the other hand, busted out with this:

"Mama, that brown stuff that comes out of my butt when I eat a lot of food? That's poop, right?"

I mean, REALLY?!"

****

I have a million and one posts in my head about where I am professionally and, lo, I just can't post them here. 

****

I wouldn't mind eating a cheese pizza right now.

****

HAAAA!

via

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What are your random tidbits?

Healthy as a horse

The next few months are going to be busy for the Muff. 

Follow-ups with the feeding clinic on her eating progress and pushing and tweaking new things. 

Annual visit with her pediatric cardiologist, a man I absolutely adore. Every single patient and patient's family should be blessed to have him. Warm, compassionate, smart. He even remembered us the one time we ran into him at a car dealership and he introduced us by name to his adult daughter.

Another annual visit with pulmonolgy. Because while she catches low-key colds and bounces back just like her brother (if not better given this last cold they caught--he's still hacking and she never got a cough), RSV cleaned her CLOCK in February and that is the lingering reminder of once having jenk micropremie lungs. 

And in perhaps a date to be celebrated with ham (me), queso (Ezra), Guinness (T) and chili (Iris), will be when she gets her g-tube out this fall. She hasn't used it since Thursday, April 26 and has even had GI illnesses that haven't set her back. She's gained two pounds and grown multiple inches since eating by mouth, so the tube can make tracks and go. An appointment with her pedatriac surgeon in a few weeks will be to confirm that he will remove it (he follows the intensive feeding program's recommendation) and to set a date for surgical removal. Tube sites can close on their own (one of the reasons I crap my pants if it happens to errantly fall out when I'm not around), but she has a bit of surrounding scar tissue that will be removed at the same time. 

I still have some nervousness about Iris' health. That her ticker will suddenly need another surgery. That this winter will bring RSV and hospitalization yet again. That her simple and straight forward tube site closure will be bumpy. I am nervous because for most of Iris' existence--even in the womb--we've not been able to take anything for granted or anything at face value. 

Yet here we are. 

I don't take any single part of it for granted and yet I can explain none of it. Why we have been horribly crushed and miraculously blessed with one blow is beyond my comprehension, but we have a little girl who is a miracle and I am astounded by what God has brought her through. 

Highlights and...lowlights?

Weekend highlights:

• Waking up energized enough that I not only had time to shower on Saturday morning, but the kids and I left the house and let T sleep in.
• The kids must have sensed the smack I talked about them online and are now sleeping like machines. 
• Ezra has gotten the hang of riding his bike and wants to ride it EVERYWHERE. So, if you see him on his Spider-Man bike heading your way, kindly redirect him back home. Tell him I have queso waiting so he'll pedal faster.
• I nabbed a pint-sized wooden rocking chair at a garage sale on Friday, spray painted it and now it's "curing" (like ham?) in our garage before I bring it inside. 
• Anticipating cooler weather this week and stuffing myself and Ezra and Iris in cute new fall clothes. T's on his own. He wears his Uniform: button down dress shirt, pants, pinchy shoes, sometimes a suit coat. He wears this five days a week. 
• I got my hair cut and colored on Saturday and chopped a bunch off. I am loving it so much more and my hair lady is good.
• Going to the playground with the small fries.
• Upon leaving to get his own hair cut, this exchange occurred:

Me: 

See you when you get back. We'll be at the playground.

T: 

If I decide to COME back. ::smirk smirk::

Me: 

Do what you want. I was going to change the passwords to our online accounts anyway.

Hey, I laughed at least.

• I went and saw "Ted" with a lovely lady friend on Saturday night and we both squeak-laughed through much of it.

Weekend lowlights:

• I am dim and just had to Google "opposite of 'highlight'"--turns out it's "low point."

Weekend low points:

• I think we might have a mouse under our kitchen sink. 
• While grocery shopping, Ezra picked out two tiny pumpkin gourds for himself and Iris. Both were unpacked with the other groceries and then snuggled (Iris gave hers kisses) (I don't even know). One gourd disappeared five minutes later. Despite hunting high and low for it, Pumpkin Gourd #2 is MIA. Rat bastards if that thing rots before it's located.
• I woke up so incredibly cranky on Sunday morning. It was not the Lord's spirit filling me, that's for sure.
• Dreading work with my entire being.
• Our laptop at home needs to be slapped with a steak and put out of its misery. I am not going to tell yous how old it is, but I do believe T purchased it when we were dating. So. At any rate, it gives him the absolute rage and it would probably just be better if it took the hint and got to steppin'.

It was a good weekend overall. How was yours?

Condiment-based pacifism

(This morning at school)

Ezra: "Mama, if I were ever in a showdown I would grab some mustard packets and just SQUIRT them in the bad guy's eyeballs. Then! He couldn't see and I would run away right to you."

And there you have it.

Love/hate Thursday

It appears I might be turning into Debbie Downer...





...so how about some love (and some hate) (there's always hate--especially for green peppers)?

Love: I have decided to take tomorrow off from work.

Hate: Raisins that pose as chocolate chips. Weasels.

Love: I super want to buy these shoes. I actually think of them daily.

Hate: I have told myself no new clothes until October. I went a bit ape in August.

Love: The kids? Oh the kids slept freakin' awesome last night. Was marvelous. 

Hate: What will tonight bring? I WANT ASSURANCES!

Love: The Blathering! It approaches!

Hate: Being unsure of what to pack.

Love: An hour long chat with an incredible friend yesterday.

Hate: I miss her still.

Love: The best leggings in all the world, folks: these from Charlotte Russe. Made of smooth, non-grippy (and not shiny!) nylon, they don't grab the cotton tunics I wear them with. They don't pill. I've machine washed and dried mine a million times in the past six months and still?--pure black and have not shrunk. They don't fade or thin out like cotton leggings do. I randomly stumbled upon them in the store (don't ask me what I was doing in there...), bought a pair and have adored them. They blow the cheap ones and the more expensive ones out of the water. Oh! And I ordered a bunch of pairs online and they came within 5 days. 

Hate: It was, rather randomly I feel, 86 yesterday. But today and this weekend, I think the cooler weather is going to stick.

Love: My friends at work. We keep each other from collectively jumping of the nearest cliff.

One more Love: Toonces. Always Toonces.








What are you loving and hating?

They're on me like motherscratching white on rice.

Last night was so foul that I wanted to punch a puppy.

With it growing darker sooner in the evening, Ezra is all skeeved out about it being too dark in his room DESPITE having two bear nightlights and the bunny clock and his curtains open. Remember last summer? Last summer he couldn't sleep because it was too light. 

Picture all the swear words here.

So he gets up out of bed a lot between when he's stationed in there at 7:45pm and when he falls asleep. Being stern ("Put your buns back in bed, please.") doesn't work. Being reassuring ("Honey, it's okay. You're safe. Mama and Papa are just downstairs.") doesn't work. Even providing cause and effect ("I'm tucking you in once. If you get out, you'll have to tuck yourself back in. Okay?") doesn't seem to work. So, of course, my default at 8:25pm--when I am exhausted--is Shrill. Warm feelings for everyone.

And then there's our sweet girl.

Iris has developed the endearing habit of waking up and not crying, but rather...calling. Non-stop. Loudly. "MOMMYMAMAMOMMOMMYMAMAMOOOOM!" NON-STOP. For hours. We have tried to re-Ferber her ass eighteen ways from Heaven so we still periodically go in at regular intervals--at least early on in the evening--to reassure her, lay her back down in bed, cover her rowdy can back up, etc. 

And, folks, she has staying power. Last night? She shouted my name from 1:00am-2:00am (I went in twice) and then again from 4:30am until I decided to let everyone officially be up at 6:00am. 

Iris will only fall asleep when she's ready to, and she neither wears herself out with the calling for me and conks out nor does she get more worked up with crying or coughing or horking. She just calls out and wakes me up and, last night?, woke her brother up. 

At one point, I was telling her in hushed, hissed tones, "IRIS! It is SLEEPYTIME. LAY DOWN." when Ezra shuffles out of his room. Then it was, "EZRA! GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM. IT IS NOT TIME TO WAKE UP."

It was not a time of warmth and reassurances and hugs. I was actually seething. And when I woke up this morning I felt guilty like you wouldn't believe at actually being angry. I still feel shitty.

Insert more swear words here.

To make matters even more fabulous, Ezra has been teary at drop off. He loves his classroom and friends and routine and so I know it is not the trauma of being there, rather, it is being away from me. Initially. 30 minutes later he is fine. At 8:00am? There are tears. And calling for me. And needing more hugs. Sigh. When asked what the best part of his day was? "Getting to see your face again, Mama." Geez louise.

So this is where I tell you that I know the bedtime suck and the drop-off blow are phases and that I know they will pass. And they will. That the guilt I feel now about being angry will pass and perhaps was mostly lost on the small fries. 

However I just feel cootie. 

Oh sure. NOW they're laying down. 

Routine: it ain't always your friend

I am at work right now, but this weekend--all Friday night and Saturday-day and Sunday morning of it--was good.

But T and I are tired.

Do you ever get like that? So consumed with your exhaustion or overwhelmed-ness that you just want to snarl at your partner-spouse-person and then crawl under the bed and hide? Because I certainly do. Kind of a lot.

But here's what strange thing: when T and I go out on a daydate, we are happy! And not snarly! And relaxed! And enjoy each other and laugh and tell jokes and sometimes drink too much at lunch and then have to take an Advil. 

And those daydates don't occur when we're all well-rested and whatnot--they happen on random Thursdays. But somehow just having some freaking free time away from the demands of life INSTANTLY brings back the K and T of yore. It's nuts. I shit you not, we are a changed couple on daydates. 

I guess it's a good thing, really. It reminds me that the old, fun, touchy-feely us haven't been shot and killed. They're just in hibernation. With small people. Who sometimes suck our will to live.

I enjoy my life, I do. But often it feels like I'm the trenches and just trying to mostly keep it together with clothes that aren't too wrinkly and kids that are healthy and laugh a lot and maintain a marriage to someone I try to not give too much hassle to.

Some days I'm more successful at this than others.

Thingies

Things I am mostly made of:

1. Venti mochas
2. Key lime pie
3. Deli ham
4. Mini Twix bars
5. Hidden Valley Ranch dip and cucumber slices

Things we run out of in our house lickety split:

1. Febreeze
2. Milk
3. Cheese
4. Yogurt
5. Body wash

Individuals I think are hoopty:

1. Kanye West
2. Some people at work
3. The clowndog I had to honk at this morning who was going 40 on the expressway
4. The attorney I just helped

Things I would like to get accomplish today:

1. Keep Iris quiet at night (that girl has been going APE at night) (it's unreal and mostly very ridiculous)
2. Eat a tasty dinner
3. Not get sweaty
4. Give someone a nice compliment

Thoughts I am having now:

1. "My head hurts."
2. "I wish I was in bed reading my 'Star' magazine."
3. "My legs are prickly."
4. "People are idiots."

You?

Rollin' with my homies. And a cat.

This past weekend I had a wild hair and decided, along with stating that summer is officially dead to me (I'm currently wearing a sleeveless dress and sandals) (it was 87 degrees today and 80% humidity), that we needed mums. And sedum. And other whatnot from the gardening-flower place. 

And speaking of wild hairs, you really can't stop the love for this.

Anyway, I really miss gardening. When we first moved into our house eight years ago, the beds were a hot mess so I took gardening classes and read books on perennials and had our soil acidity tested and I was knee deep, folks. Now T and I do mulch in the spring, throw up a few hanging baskets, put big planters near the door and write checks to the lawn service. 

It felt good to finally realize that the kids are old enough to not run into traffic and impale themselves on some shears. Plus Ezra was excited to use the gardening tools that I'd given him and Iris in their Easter baskets. I also told him that he could pick out a plant of his own to put in the front of the house. He chose a fabulous purple cone flower which the rat bastard squirrels have already eaten. 

Flora and fauna ahoy.

The greenhouse had a cat which Ezra wanted
to pet and Iris wanted to steal.