Shenanigans

Feeling a little bit too melty-of-brain for a narrative or story, so here are some pictures of weekendy whatnot.

Also, did you know the time change is this weekend? Balls.

Having raided the library's dress-up bin to be
a "fancy farmer," Ezra took a ride on this.
Which I SUPER want to buy for our playroom.

Carrots. Bananas. Keep on truckin'.

Random scarecrow at the grocery store.

Negativity ain't no one's friend

I don't talk much about my work here--intentionally trying to avoid the details of drama from the past three years that would make your head spin. 

The past six months or so have been hard at work and it's turned into a bit (or a lot) of an ugly cycle of complaining, negativity, having the "gimmes" for what other people have professionally, non-stop kvetching among my friends at work and just generally whipping each other into a froth of injustice.

I think there are some valid aspects to what I want differently from my workplace, but I also think that talking about it to the degree which I do is not helping things. It's not bringing new opportunities to the door and it's not renewing my spirit. 

Negativity, in the moment, can feel like a release and a bonding moment with other disgruntled folks. But time passes and it's been leaving me feel deflated.

This morning in the car I decided it needed to stop. I need to wildly appreciate what I do have, and I need to pursue what it is I think I need. 

Anything else in between is just noise and I need to squash it.

via

Speshul lady...negatory.

Last night I left work a tidgy bit early to take the kids to the playground. It was sunny and 78 and the weather is slated to be in the 40s for the next week/six months. I don't do the playground at forty degrees--even without snow.

We were having fun and I was trying to keep Iris from plummeting seven feet down onto woodchips and meanwhile Ezra made a friend. 

He kept calling her, "Hey, girl!" or "Hey, you!" until I mentioned that maybe he ask what her name is and also introduce himself. He introduced himself by his first, middle and last name and also included our street address. Heh.

Madison. Blonde haired Madison was fun and chased Ezra and they climbed stuff and did the swings and while she seemed older, they were the same height (turns out Madison is seven). I kept an eye on them and she seemed to listen to Ezra when he said things and wasn't too bossy. Ezra was having fun.

But then my eyes started to turn squinty and I wanted to swoop my son away from this little first grade minx and take him home and put him in feetie jammies and snuffle his curly hair.

It was the first glimmer of the irrational feelings that lurk and that maybe I won't want my son to date or even to marry. And if she is skeevy? Nope. T won't have anything on me should some strumpet hurt my son's feelings. 

This urge for vigilante justice might need to be something I work on.

Love/hate Thursday

Love: It is going to be 80 today so I wore sandals. Yesterday I wore a turtleneck sweater and was manky and hot the entire day. I felt so gross.

Hate: I put a jazzy coat of glitter polish on my toes this morning and T felt the need to comment. I told him to shut it.

Love: Iris turns three in a few weeks and I've ordered all of the decorations and invites and made arrangements to have the cake and cupcakes made.

Hate: How did people even exist in the time before Amazon? Such a travesty.

Love: New brown boots that are very comfy.

Hate: That is not our sweet kitten Iris is petting from the weekend pictures. T continues to cockblock all progress towards procuring a cat.

Love: It was good to see both kids around kittens and adult cats simultaneously to see which might be a better fit for them/the family. I think the verdict is a more mellow adult cat.

Hate: I cannot find a nice cozy pair of mittens anywhere. Do fools not wear mittens anymore?  

Hate part two: That H&M doesn't have online shopping in my market. What the fresh hell, H&M? 

Love: This belt from Asos. Oh my gosh, I love it.

Hate: How can this even be a thing? Crikey.

Love: The weekend is near and full of delightful things

Hate: I wish I were outside with the small fries today.

Love: Emails and texts with Caitlin

Hate: Admitting to her that I got sucked into looking at Kim Kardashian's Instagram pictures. Dude. 


What are you loving and hating?

Homie say what now?

As is almost always the case, you talk about smack about your child online and suddenly they straighten up. Or, less desirably so, you talk about how well they're sleeping/how healthy they are/how they've stopped biting their friends--and everything goes down the crapper. Thankfully, we're falling into the former.

Since gnashing my teeth (T's are practically nubbins) and discussing with his teachers every single day and wondering if a different classroom would behoove the situation and thinking I needed to make an appointment with his pediatrician to discuss and see if anything more clinical was going on...Ezra stopped whining and started listening. Just...boom. Different. Um, okay.

That Friday the 12th was cootie. We traveled that weekend. Monday rolled around and we instituted new things at home and suddenly the waters are calm and good.

At home, T and I had a sit down with him. We told him that we'd be asking his teachers each day at pick-up how his listening was that morning and how it was that afternoon. A good listening report means that he can watch a bit of tv while I cook dinner; not good listening, no tv. A good listening report in the AM and/or PM (breaking up the day to allow him to "reset" and try again, if need be) at school also means that he can put a sticker on his "Ezra's Super Awesome Listening Chart" (catchy, I know). Fill the chart with stickers and he can pick out a new superhero. We told his teachers what we were doing at home so that they could use it as reminders and reinforcement throughout the day.

There were two evenings last week that he didn't get to watch tv upon coming home. I told him that he could not be in the living room while Iris mellowed out. He had to choose to play in the playroom or be in the kitchen with me and there were TEARS. So much woe that he mentioned it at school the next day to his teachers and The Plan was reinforced. Since then? Smooth sailin'.

There was absolutely ZERO whining this weekend. He listened the first time, every single time. I realized, too, that this totally contributed to the peacefulness and good times of our weekend. None of us were strung out. None of us were frustrated. 

His teachers are seeing a marked improvement as well. Which, praise be, because we were ALL getting frustrated and it was all just so no bueno.

Cream cheese 'stache and some ears primed
for listening.

Weekend

You know those days (or, all days) when there is a ton to get accomplished? Those days only ever seem to go one of two ways:

Way One: Time passes on the clock more rapidly than things can get done. You had well-layed plans, but someone decided to act a fool and now jack squat got accomplished and you might as well throw in the towel and eat some snacks.

Way Two: You are a ninja of time and the to-do list is your bitch. No hold-ups at the store. Laundry is in and out and in the drawers. Responsibilities are taken care of and fun is had. These days are rare but when they occur--you know you motherscratching brought it.

This weekend was Way Two.

I meal planned and grocery shopped and ran errands to Target with the kids. I did the laundry and ironed and everything was put away by Sunday night. I worked out (and was subsequently rendered without functioning hamstrings for 72 hours) first thing and ate well the entire weekend. I saw friends with new kittens and saw another friend for a movie. T worked out. T relaxed. We had family time at the apple orchard. I cooked meals. 

It was all very lovely and then we slept hard..

Previous years in front of the ginormous apple.

Monkey brain

Last night as Ezra was climbing into bed:

Ezra: "Mama, can you rub my back for a little bit."

Me: "Okay. Remember: stay in bed tonight. Watch for the green to change to yellow on your clock before you get out of bed."

Ezra: "But I sometimes get scared of things when I think about them and then I come to find you."

Me: "Like what scary things?"

(quiet)

Ezra: "Like apes. And ghosts."

Me: "Well, you know, there are only safe things here at home. And maybe you could think about all the great things you like. Like kitties and snacks and playgrounds and superheroes and your friend, M, and..."

Ezra: "And Thor! And blankies! And Papa!" 

Me: "Exactly."

Perhaps thinking about apes.

Smooth sailin'

Thank you for the kind comments on the day before the surgery. And thank you even more the kind messages and texts the morning of the surgery. They made me feel uplifted and cared for.

Everything went really well the morning of. I cried minimally. Iris came out of anesthesia breathing well and not at all irritable. She isn't in any pain. And while droopy on Tuesday afternoon, by yesterday she was back to normal (also known as: opinionated about pumpkins). 

This morning we had her annual appointment with the cardiologist and her ticker is in fine form. We don't have to go back for two years. 

Prayers and jujus for the win.

I need the prayers and jujus.

1. Tomorrow is Iris' surgery and I have a combination of Smoooooth Feelings along with Pit in Stomach Feelings. I think the combination is because we have had a series (five?) of easy ear tube surgeries with Ezra. I mean, other than him being knocked out I wouldn't entirely put it under the "Surgery" classification as he was un.fazed by it all. Like, home by 9:00am and playing and wanting to ride bikes and ole, motherscratcher. But the last time Iris had surgery--open heart surgery, to be exact--it was not good. Flat lining and paddles and eight hours and horror. So yeah. Because of these two different experiences, I'm not entirely sure how to feel or how to brace myself for tomorrow. Now granted her procedure tomorrow is most certainly NOT of the serious heart variety, but still. Nervous.
2. I feel as if I should enjoy traveling with Ezra and Iris more than I currently do. It is not fun. It requires a lot of work. I get impatient and tired. I get resentful. I sighed heavily and with peace the minute we were home.
3. Lately, I have been thinking about babies and maybe wondering if I would like another one.
4. Ezra has been a crap listener at home and at school. Serious talks with the teachers and with T about what to do and how to change things started off the weekend on a bit of a cootie foot. As I told Erica, at least he's not being an asshole with his non-listening as he is never defiant. He never shouts, "No!" and won't do what we or his teachers ask. He is just scattered and unfocused and very deep in a world that includes ear muffs of non-listening. I understand if this makes me sound like I expect him at four and a half to be focused and compliant enough to be doing math and playing instruments, but that is nowhere near my expectation. I would, however, mostly like to stop repeating myself five times and counting down 1-2-3 to a time-out with every single request. Every single one. I get so impatient and short and cranked up, it's horrible. Absolutely horrible.
5. I appear to be stalled in my weight loss for the Biggest Blogging Loser. And while my goal was really only 10 pounds, at 36 years old it's like trying to shake a leg on fifty. What I have been doing is being more intentional about what I eat and making, what I feel, is a very fabulous effort to working out more. I am going to the gym 3-4 times a week instead of staying home and eating a donut. I eat grapes and Laughing Cow (why so happy, Cow?) cheese in the sheets instead of pie. So yeah. Better. I probably won't win the ginormous pot of money (seriously, folks, BIG) but I am getting my arms muscles back. That might be better. 
6. Lately, it's been making me sad that Ezra is allllmost too heavy for me to carry upstairs to bed. 

Sigh.

Random useless tidbits

A co-worker sent me this picture of Pee-Wee and it always makes me smile.



****

Our date night on Saturday was dee-lightful. The kids weren't exceptionally weasely for their grandparents. They both went to sleep. Iris didn't get weepy with someone new and fabulous (not me) putting her to bed. It was...smooth. Yet again illustrating that things I get really quite whipped into a frenzy about are stupid.

And! We were home before 9:00pm! After having three pomegranate martinis I conked right out. Was fabulous.

****

I'm sure I'll be mentioning and fretting about it again, but Iris' surgery is on Tuesday and I will be so in need of some calming vibes on that day.

****

Oh! Hey! I heard from many of you about the Target skinny jeans and I'm so glad you love them. I didn't lie! Don't they make your can look great?!

****

Tomorrow I have the day off as we're going to a wedding this weekend and, lord alive, if I don't need an entire day to get my family ready and outfitted for an overnight excursion.

We got a two bedroom suite and since I don't think Iris will be down with sleeping with Ezra in one room while we sleep in another, we're splitting up the sexes. Boys in one room (T in the bed; Ezra in his inflatable mattress) (which this bed is the freaking best thing ever) and the ladies in the other room with me given the distinct pleasure of sleeping with Iris. 

Actually, I don't think it'll be too bad as Iris generally cozies up into a neck-crook and passes right out (this happens when we snuggle in the morning and sometimes she'll go back to sleep on us) and I'll just read on the Kindle until I then pass out. As long as she doesn't try to Chuck Norris me in the head, teeth or gut while sleeping.





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I have been eyeballing a shirt on Boden since August and then decided to check it out again and, say what now?, it was on sale AND I had a 15% off plus free shipping code.

So I ordered two--the black and the green.

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Iris is AMAZING with saying "thank you" unprompted. It boggles the minds of T and I. With Ezra there was lots and lots of coaching. Iris? None. I'm not entirely sure I remember teaching her how to use it. "Please"--yes. "Thank you"--uhhh, maybe?  

At any rate, she says it many times throughout the day and I get twinkly stars over my head when she does.

****

Lately, I have been feeling ready for...CHRISTMAS.

The decorations and the Christmas shopping and making gingerbread houses with the kids and busting out the creeper Elf and just getting very excited. 

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What are your random tidbits?

Wherein T has a day off

T works hard. Super duper hard. But these past two months have been rather intense, so I got a tick pushy and told him that he needed to take a day or two off this month and sleep and lounge and recoup.

He is home today and, as a result, we have text conversations like this:

Me: I'd be okay with it if you brought me a hot cocoa at work.

T: Maybe...after I shower

Me: Hrrmmmmmm

T: Which I haven't

Me: Yeaaahhhhh

Me: Do a drive by? No need to even get out of the car.

(See? I'm a problem solver!)

T: You don't get it...if I haven't taken a shower...and I am due an afternoon nap

(I am laughing as I type this because when T takes a day off? HE TAKES A DAY OFF.)

Me: Geez. Calm down, tiger.

T: Can I tell you how much I dislike Tim Burton movies.

Me: You can.

Me: Johnny Scissorfingers.

(Backstory: One time T couldn't remember the name of "Edward Scissorhands" and referred to is as "Johnny Scissorfingers." Haaaaaaa.)

T: And the stop animations

Me: Maybe you watch something else? We have 600 channels.

T: I am, but I can't forward through my shows.

Me: I can tell you're struggling.

T: Very much...the injustice.

Me: I think bringing me a hot cocoa would help you feel better about Tim Burton movies.

Love/hate Friday

Love: This morning Ezra started writing out letters to Santa. Apparently, he's getting a jump on the influx of mail Santa receives.

Hate: Iris woke me up at 3:00am with, "Mama! I POOPED!" So yeah. Good times. 

Love: Lo, I have found skinny jeans that I can wear without my can looking ginormous. Oh sure, not-skinny people have said, "You can totally wear them! Try this pair! I love them!" And then I thought those people might be on drugs because they made me look like a heifer. So yeah. Down with that. And, really, I don't like jeans all that much. I'd rather wear a skirt or pants or leggings. So the absence of skinny jeans in my life wasn't leaving such a gaping hole of longing.

Until! I tried this pair from Target and, folks, I am in there like swimwear. They are thick and snug enough that I don't look lumpy (sorry for that visual). The waist band is like the waist band of maternity pants yesteryear. It falls high enough on the waist to not be ridiculously high nor is it too low thus creating an enhanced top o' the muffin. The pockets in back are close enough to each other that my can doesn't look extra wide. The rise in front is good. The color is a super deep blue.

I bought two pairs because that is what I do now. I find something I like?--I buy two. Lipsticks, shoes, pants, tops, swimming suits, etc. Two. I've never, ever regretted this move because there is NOTHING worse than finding the holy grail of something and having it wear out or rip or something more tragic.

So two things: buy two of whatever you find you love and try these jeans.

Hate: I'm tired and hope upon hopes that I can sleep in tomorrow.

Love: Aside from an evening date, we have nothing planned this ENTIRE weekend. I'm very excited.

Hate: I am wound way too tight about the kids bedtime routine. For evidence of this look no further than the fact that this upcoming Saturday date night is the first one we have ever taken with Iris home and the only second one since Ezra has been born. I guess there are other factors like: I'm tired at night and would rather do fun things with T during the day or Iris' health stuff and whatnot. But mostly it's being uptight. I'm trying hard to let it go for it's growing ridiculous.

Love: Friends who are having pregnancies that are remaining relatively low key.

Hate: Broccoli

Love: This spray. I use it on wet hair before I blow dry and then again before I flat iron and it is fabulous. Recommend.

Hate: I kind of went ape with the eating yesterday. Not exactly sure why either.

Love: Geico woodchucks make me laugh. I...I have no explanation other than they just do.










What are you loving and hating?

Be gone with ya

And then there was October second and yet another appointment for Iris. This time it was the pediatric surgeon who performed umpteen surgeries on her while she was in the NICU and placed her g-tube. 

To be honest, I couldn't really remember what he looked like, but he remembered Iris and was kind of astounded at how beefy she looked--all things being relative to her birth weight, I suppose.

He gave the tube removal a thumbs up and so it's on like Donkey Kong for just two weeks from now. We discussed the logistics of it all and the kind of wonky details that are particular to her. Things like: receiving an antibiotic during surgery to prevent bacteria/infection from spreading to her heart and causing endocarditis, (this will also be a consideration whenever she goes to the dentist); given her one paralyzed vocal cord, making sure they avoid the ventilator (which goes down into the airway and could irritate things needlessly) but rather use a deep gas instead; instead of waiting for her drink water or juice afterwards to show that's she recovering and waking up--letting her tackle that at home since her by-mouth diet is particular. 

I commented to Erin on Twitter the other day that it is a strange juxtoposition to think about where we are today versus three or even two years ago and I find it more than a little overwhelming. Almost three years ago, Noah's water broke and I had zero idea what the future held night to night or ever further than a month into the future.

Two years ago, Iris started walking and was still 100% tube fed.

Today she is at age for everything developmentally and physically and eats entirely by mouth.

So yeah. 

Dudes, I don't know. I just don't know.

Breathin' easy

October first called for a visit to the pulmonologist for Iris. I forgot my wallet at home and so we were 10 minutes late--25 minutes late if you want to consider the b.s. arrival time that they try to pad appointment slots with. 

Whatever.

The receptionist called back to the office area to confirm my appointment and I was granted the scepter of, "They'll still be able to see you today." I refrained from pursing my lips and shouting, "I AM NOT A CHRONIC LATER ARRIVER PERSON. Come on now."

Iris then proceeded to enchant the pants off the clinical support staff while they took her vitals. Until one of them offered her a book and she shouted, "NO WAY! NO WAY!" She has her limits and it appears to stop with literacy.

We were bumped in line thanks to being late, so I turned ingenious and busted on the Kindle Fire and we watched "Dinosaur Train." And I took video of her doing her signature move of Fancy Feet. And then she crapped her diaper. 

Good times.





Overall, things with her lungs are stable. Her inhaler was discontinued for daily use because she was only getting one puff of a low amount. We have a revised action plan for illnesses and we discussed the dreaded bout of RSV from last February.

The fact of the matter is that Iris could get RSV again, however, the nurse practitioner reassured us that aside from one little patient (who had both a daily need for a ventilator via a trach), that she has never seen a child hospitalized two years/two seasons back to back from getting it. She is older. Her lungs are stronger. Her body, having had the virus, now recognizes it (although new strains come out and about each season).

All of this was reassuring. We know Iris will get colds and whatnot, but lord alive if we can avoid the hospital. 

It's all fun and games...

...until your crayons get wedged.