Harry understands

Since October, when it was first mentioned that we might have to sell our house and move, I have been worried about the home inspections. Every day. No, really. Every. Day. I thought about what in the fresh hell could they find. Our house is 91 years old. There was bound to be something(s).

Then the relocation company, on behalf of T's workplace, conducted a metric ton of inspections--none of which, in all their freaking nit-picky glory, helped assuage my fear about the state of our home. A home that I knew we took care of, but also knew was old. And what happens to old things? They fall and break their hip and then never recover and have to be taken out back and put down. It's not a good thing.

So since this fall I have been giving my beloved home the side-eye.

Yep.

But! I am here to tell you that our home passed with flying colors this past Saturday. Yeah, okay, the roof is done, but it's not leaking and we've decided to split the cost of replacement with the buyers. Other than that WE'RE DONE! We've sold it! IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!

It occurred to me last night that this entire process feels very reminiscent of Harry and the Hendersons. Remember when they drive Harry into the woods to keep him safe but he won't leave his family so John Lithgow punches, just straight up wallops him, Harry so that Harry will leave them? I think that happened with my house. My house punched me with inspections so that I kind of want to leave it behind. My house wants me to safe and happy from hunters. I can feel it.



Also!, we decided on and signed the lease for a very snazzy two bedroom apartment that we'll be renting for six months. Two bedrooms means the small fries will be sharing a room and, lo, I anticipate shenanigans but it's gonna be okay. After the whatnot of dicking around with people on Sabbatical Homes (dot) com and CraigsList, renting from a complex sounds downright dreamy. My king bed will fit and there is a swimming pool and those were pretty much the two criteria.

Aaaaaaand I bought dining table for our future kitchen area. Right now we have a built-in nook, but new house is sans nook so enter this:




I'm having it shipped to our house so that it can arrive and then be loaded on the moving van and put in storage until we need it.

Aaaaaand I finalized my last day of work, contacted those that needed to know, erased a bunch of work things off my calendar and come June 20, it'll be me and the stretchy pants or something.

Crack a lackin'!

Pooling

This past weekend the swimming pool opened and, oh, how I've missed it. I had to work on Saturday, but we spent time there on Sunday and Monday. 

Glorious.

The Selection Room...dum, dum, duummmmmm

Yesterday T and I met up in New Town. I drove from home, he drove from work and we picked out our finishes n' things with the builder.

Here is what we didn't choose:

• Wall color: everything is going to be painted Bright White since that is the color we want the trim (heh) and moulding. The plan is to have a painter paint the walls before we move in.
• Faucets: we didn't particularly like anything in the standard or upgraded options areas, so T will just swap the standard out after we move in. He's actually rather handy when it comes to new faucets.
• Light fixtures: same as with the faucets. We didn't feel like paying for anything upgraded since we didn't like the look of it. So standard it is, and then T (yay fun!) said he'll swap out the lights. We have our pre-construction meeting in a few weeks, so at that time I'll be able to write down an exact number of lights and their placements so that we can start trolling for what we want and where.

Here is what we did pick out:

Of the six elevations available for the model we're building,
we chose the Craftsman.

This is the exterior brick and siding.
The shakes will be the same color.
We chose black shutters and a
black front door.

Kitchen time. This is what our
stove area will look like, so
we were able to choose the
stone, tile and mosaic tile.

The kitchen and family room flow
together so the trim (heh) and
stone are also under the arched
throughway.

                     

             We chose white kitchen cabinets

                     and bronze hardware.

                          

We chose bronze levers for the
doors. We also chose Craftsman
style doors as well as a white box
newel and spindles for the stairs.

There will be hardwood in the
kitchen, eating area, dining room,
half bath and entryway. Carpet
in the family room, the living room,
the stairs and on the second floor.

The kitchen countertops and the
bathroom counters tops will have
granite. The bathroom floors
will have this ceramic tile.

So that's the story.

Locally, the buyer's conducted their inspection on our house this morning and I've had clenched tummy since about last week Tuesday. Word from our agent confirms what we knew about the roof (super dunzo but still dry as a bone) (knock on wood) and also spotted something about the sewer line leaving the house. ?? I mean, we don't have sewage in our basement (or elsewhere) nor was this spotted by the bazillion inspections the relocation company had conducted on the home so I don't know.

Our agent says we will hear on Tuesday what the buyers think of all this. Until then stuff remains clenched. I'd just like to kind of breath easy, but I'm not sure old ass homes are conducive to that.

There's a line in Funny Farm (classic Chevy Chase) where a guy in a moving van claims that the rickety covered bridge they're on isn't a bridge, but termites holding hands. (Trust me--it's hilarious). 

While I'm confident that our house isn't comprised of termites holding hands--mainly because it's built brick--dangit if I'm not worried about offloading the thing.

Some stuff

There is a red "Sold" sign in our yard and we have our buyer's inspection on Saturday. That inspection is kind of harshing my mellow because it just feels fraught with doomsday news.

I was at the nail salon yesterday and they--Aaron and Minh who are lovely and who I haven't told I'm moving yet and ugh I don't want to leave them--always have HGTV on. I've taken a much needed hiatus from watching HGTV because like most "reality" shows, they slyly build in some tension. This couple on the show was trying to sell their home (!) and then one of the Property Brothers tore ass into a wall (!!) and discovered mold and a rat nest and the need for an additional $15,000 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) in work. Balls.

Anyway, that's frozen into my brain and what will the inspector find on Saturday that will make me cry like the lady did on HGTV?! Stay tuned.

Ezra turns six next week and it's Memorial Day and I keep kind of forgetting both because how can it be the end of May already? Wasn't it just January? Managing this relocation has sucked up the better part of my 2014 and just criminy. I finally donated the kids snowpants and boots because I figured it won't snow again. 

As for Ezra's birthday, I'm generally not too stingy with the kids' birthday parties because I find birthdays about the best thing ever, but this year T and I let Ezra invite everyone in his class. 




Things to consider: (1) we're moving and he won't see these new friends of his probably ever again (2) his teacher, at the start of the year, kindly asked that parents hosting birthday parties invite either all the girls or all the boys or just everyone in the interest of avoiding hurt feelings. The parents have largely abided by this and I like the sensitivity for the younger heart. Let that lesson be taught in a year or two that not everyone is invited to everything and that's life.

So yeah. We're having a big party for him at a trampoline place and that's the whole shebang. We usually have my parents and brothers and nephew over for a family celebration of cake, but scheduling is getting tight so we might just skip that. Homeboy is going to be fiiiiiine.

We had to turn the air conditioning on last night because our weather in the last two months went from 35 degrees to 50 degrees to 80 degrees. Mmkay, spring. Thanks. 

I kind of have a beef with turning on our air before June (it's a Thing), but I wasn't sleeping well and it's been humid and, well, T is a Special African Flower and cranked that nonsense on.

What else...the outdoor swimming pool at our gym opens this weekend and while I have to work on Saturday, I am excited to take the small fries swimming on Sunday and Monday. Also: CONCESSIONS.

Lastly, I am currently eating Chinese food at my desk with a spoon. Since this is a safe place to share: I usually eat my lunches (in the privacy of my office) with a spoon because I am starving and a spoon gets the food into my mouth faster and with less spilling.

So tell me some of your Stuff so I can stop thinking about the inspection on Saturday.

It's all coming together. Or iiiisssss it?

Wednesday

House due to hit the MLS that evening.

Out of town couple wants to see it before they leave the area at 3:00pm.

I run home and turn off the alarm.

House goes on MLS. I turn a bit Weepy Willie, eat some chocolates, read US Weekly, text a friend, go to sleep.

Thursday

Wake up to a text message from 10:50pm that the couple wrote a full-price offer on the house.

Flurries of emails about showings and feedbacks. Eight different realtors trooped their homies through our house. I left a polite sign stating, "Welcome! Please take off your shoes. Thank you!"

The realtor, relocation manager and I exchange emails about the offer. T is in a metal tube over the Atlantic for the bulk of the day.

The buyers extended their timeframe from Noon to 5:00pm.

I work furiously to get financial information together for our meeting to sign the sales contract with the builder on Saturday.

I maybe try to also do some work.

T and I talk and we accept their offer.

The kids and I go out to dinner to kill time while more strangers peer at my belongings. 

Friday

T arrives home. 

I run to work

I maybe try to do some work.

More emails between the realtor, the relocation manager, T and I to get everything squared away. 

Conference call with the relocation manager.

Sign and scan crapton of paperwork to relocation manager.

And I think we're under contract.

Random useless tidbits

On Sunday we got an offer on the house. By Tuesday it was withdrawn (something jenky happened on their end). We are neither sad nor relieved that the offer didn't pan out. It would've been nice, but it was also getting a bit hairy to figure out lickety split temporary housing in New Town. So now we've got time and that's cool.

****

The "For Sale" sign was staked into our yard yesterday afternoon because it will go on the MLS this afternoon or evening.

It's weird to see it out there.

****

Ezra and Iris both seem to suffer a bit from allergies which is interesting to me since neither T nor I do. So I dose them each with a half dose of Zyrtec in the morning and in the evening and it keeps their sniffles and itchy eyes at by.

On Sunday, though, Ezra started complaining that his ear hurt when he yawned. I thought maybe his allergies were starting to affect his ears and asked him if it felt better when he wiggled his finger inside his ear to kind of itch it. Then it hurt when he yawned. Then intermittantly it hurt throughout dinner. Then it really started to hurt. Then I ran him to Urgent Care. Then he was crying and it went progressively more downhill while the doctor looked at him, we ran across the street to have the amoxicillian scrip filled and we waited by the pharmacy. So far downhill that while waiting, I mad dog ripped into a box of ibuprofen and dosed him up in the aisle. Ten minutes later and he was all smiles.

Damn.

****

Friday evening is the school carnival at Ezra's school and, hot damn, I'm excited. 

I'm determined to win a cake in the cake walk.

****

Last week Saturday I overnighted a small deposit to Fancy Kitchen Builder and this Saturday we're going over to put the remaining hefty deposit down and sign a sales contract and essentially "build" our house on paper.

Three weeks after that we go back in order to go into the Selection Room (snort) and choose all of our finishes: roof shingles, granite, backsplash, hardware for the kitchen, cabinet, hardwoods, carpet, trim (heh), lighting, etc. 

The builder won't paint for us, so we're having everything painted the color we want the moldings and then will have a separate painter come in and do it all before we move in. I am not a good painter (not at all) so while I will have the time, I fear ginking up a perfectly wonderful home with my jenky skills. 


****

I finally realized that the threat of snow is probably behind us and have started amassing the childrens' summer wardrobes.

In the past, I usually hit mostly online stores and then maybe Target and called it a day. I also usually couldn't remember for crap what I bought and almost always bought duplicates. At least my taste is consistent?

But this year (or yesterday) I took pictures! With my phone! Yesterday I went to Carter's and snagged t-shirts and shorts and dresses and shirts, went home, layed it all out by type and took pictures. So then today when I was ordering things online, I already knew what to buy and how much they still needed and what matched and coordinated. Did Ezra need more khaki shorts or more navy shorts or striped shorts? No! But he did need a gray pair! How many dresses did I buy for Iris? Would these shorts match the t-shirts I bought yesterday? Yes! They would!

My own personal learning curve is kinda of steep but sometimes I manage to get it together.

****

A co-worker and I just had a conversation about men who cross their legs while sitting. Seeing men who sit like this often makes me squint my eyes with wonder and back in the day I asked T why some men do and some men don't and he thought that it would be a pinchy and bad feeling for a man to sit as such yet I feel like many men do.

Hmmm.

Crystal ball

Yesterday morning Ezra asked me if fortune tellers were real and then he informed me that he was a fortune teller.

"Mama, I can see the future. I can see that when I step on that special stair that it's going to make a creaky sound!"

"Mama, I can see the future. I can know that when I ask you at Target to get a toy that you're going to say "no" because my birthday is SOON!"

Yeah.

Criminy

How about some updates!

Whatevs:
Job: I won't have one. My transfer was denied. I have lots of other sentences about my feelings about this, most of them with a root of bitterness and side-eye given that I've worked there for eleven years but what can you do. Other than want to do this:



The answer came from the top and that's that. As I've told others, I only get angry when I think about it so, in lieu of being able to change the end result, I've decided to not think about it. 

Instead I'm thinking about how the hell I'm going to be spending my time now that I won't be working for The Man. Working out? Check. Making something resembling a homecooked meal? Check. Never wearing pants with real waistbands ever again? DOUBLE CHECK. Maybe I'll even take up sewing. I'll sew T's work clothes. He'll be so excited.

I expect it all to feel like an odd transition. Good, eventually, I have no doubt, but still an odd one. I mean, I won't be killing time in my current home or current community. I'll be in a new rental home and then a new permanent home in a new town. If you see me spriralling down, let a girl know. 

Big money, no Whammies:
We've selected an agent to list our home and made appointments for the stager and the photographer to come through. I imagine it'll be on the MLS sometime next week. Zoikes.

Who do we give all of our money to now?:
T and I went to New Town on Monday and scouted out a few more areas. We've now narrowed it down to two builders: Woodsy Builder preferred by T and Fancy Kitchen Builder preferred by me. We need to see floor plans and a list of standard fixtures versus upgrades and a final sales price for Woodsy Builder before we make a final decision, but it feels good to have narrowed it down. Next step is a fatty deposit and then they get cracking on building it.

Where the hell do we sleep:
The timeframe for building is 6-7 months, so we're going to need temporary housing for 4-5 months (maybe? probably? I really have no idea). Our hope is to find furnished housing so that we can let the packers and movers just pack up our things here and deliver it one time there. The good news is that I am finding some furnished homes to rent, thankfully, because New Town is also a university town. What is making it all tricky is negotiating for a lease not as long as an academic year nor with known occupy and vacancy dates. These things are really attractive to those renting out their home, as you can imagine.

Helping the kids stay smart:
So Woodsy Builder is one school district and Fancy Kitchen Builder is in another. Ezra will be in first grade and we'd like to do a pre-K for Iris, either full or half-day. With our final home location up in the air, however, I'm in a holding pattern as to where to register them. That will be finalized as soon we decide on the builder, and I can then get their registration and schedules figured out.

Of course, our temporary housing might not be in their final school district so I will potentially be driving them a lot. GOOD THING I'LL HAVE LOTS OF AVAILABLE TIME. Ahem.

So that's where we stand. Is it all going as planned? Um, no. Do I feel overwhelmed? Also, no. Not sure why, but I don't. I mean, I'm busy and always with the freaking details, but I don't feel fret-y and spaz-y. Thumbs up to that, I suppose.

Now how about a picture of the small fries?