Iris whatnot + a video

If Iris doesn't want you to speak, she will:

1. Shush you--complete with pointed finger, or
2. Put both of her little hands over your mouth, or
3. Calmly say, "Quiet, peas (please)." 

It's more humorous than is probably appropriate.

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On Saturday morning T went to get her out of her bed and I heard him laughing a lot.

Turns out she had stripped her jammie top, bottoms, socks and diaper completely off and was totally nakey.

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She was adamant that we have party hats for T's birthday last week.

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I've been working on her ending her sentences with "..., jive turkey!" but at best it comes out "...jive gurkey." Still amusing.

Also, her Sally O'Malley kick-and-stretch is coming along nicely. (As is Ezra's.)


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Here is a video of her singing "Happy Birthday" on Saturday morning. Not only does she pronounce it "Hatty Birdday" but she is holding many party hats (see above).

(Her voice is normally hoarse like that--a la Kathleen Turner. It's thanks to having one paralyzed vocal cord as a by-product from her first heart surgery. T and I love it.)

Tiers

I think maybe this weekend I overextended myself trying to get things done. I'm still hellbent on sprucing things up around the house, but folding even minimal tasks into what has to get done during the 48 hours of the weekend kind of burned me out. 

Then I got to thinking that I rank and sort of put into tiers what we do on Saturday and Sunday. Oh, look. Another word for that would be "prioritize." I iz smart. So, yes--I prioritize our time. 

Tier One aka This Crap HAS To Get Done:

1. Laundry
2. Grocery shopping
3. Making Iris' purees for the week

While I still do laundry during the week, the bulk of it gets done on the weekends when I have more time. Fitting in the other two things is just too hard during the week, so I jam it into Saturday and Sunday or on just one of those days if I have to work the other one.

Tier Two aka I Try My Darndest To Make Sure This Gets Fit In and It Almost Always Is:

1. After asking Ezra what he'd like to do this weekend, making sure we try and fit in one of his asked for activities. And doing the same for Iris.
2. Having a family breakfast and a family dinner.
3. Having a weekend morning with extended jammie time for the kids.

Because our weekdays our fairly scheduled and regimented, I like for the weekends to have time for the kids to pick something they want to do and for us to try and do it. Iris is usually game for whatever, but Ezra will usually suggest a museum or indoor swimming or to browse the toys at Toys R' Us. I crap you not, he loves to just browse. Like for over an hour. 

The same goes for family meal times and jammie time. Saturdays and Sundays are great for taking it down a notch.

Tier Three aka I Have An Agenda and It Involves Trying to Get Maybe Some Of These Things Done While Trying to Not Hassle T Too Much:

1. Any and all house improvement projects, regardless of size
2. Yard work
3. Time out with my friends or T out with his friends
4. Going to any birthday parties the kids might have been invited too
5. Working out
6. Haircuts
7. Having T take a nap one day
8. Having me sleep-in one day

What usually happens is that only one or two of these things happen. Anything more and it's just too much.

So those are the tiers, but back to this weekend: I think I just squeezed in too much. Ezra's sports class, misc. errands, going to Home Depot to get house project supplies, taking Ezra out to lunch, spending everyone's nap time doing projects, laundry, taking the kids to the library, doing more projects after they went to bed, grocery shopping, laundry, making Iris' food. I drank a lot of coffee and stayed up too late both nights. Both times worth it.

I guess that's the hard part. It was a good weekend. I saw friends and spent time with my kids and got lots accomplished. My weekends are no longer even remotely physically restorative, but I love them. So coming to work on Monday feeling worn-out and happy is mostly okay. I can sleep when I'm dead, right?

Laid back (with my mind on my Santa hat
and my Santa hat on my mind).

Nosey Nancy: Primary School edition

I haven't done a "Nosey Nancy" post in awhile (since June?), so I'm not entirely sure where I've been channeling my nosey tendencies (shut it, T), but it's time for you to share. If you'd like.

1. If you could go back to elementary school and kick one person in the shins (for being mean or a dink or...mean), who would it be?
2. What was your most favorite/treasured clothing item in elementary school?
3. To you, they are called: tator tots or tater barrels?
4. There's a fire in your fourth grade classroom and you can only grab one thing. Do you Backdraft it and save your: a) Trapper Keeper with kittens and/or puppies on it b) Hostess snack cake packed lovingly by your mom c) your friendship bracelet or d) your own can and run like hell because in fourth grade you were kind of a pansy.

Share away!

Random useless tidbits

I am forever on the prowl for a nice pinky-brown lipstick or lip gloss. Too pink and I look I'm six. Too brown and it's this:

Ah, J. Lo. Money (and P. Diddy?)
helped that out.

Anyway, might I recommend the Infallible lip gloss from L'Oreal? It says it'll last eight hours, but I've managed four hours. This is about three hours and 45 minutes longer than any other gloss so I'm cool with them breaking their promises.

I like the color Sangria.

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I cut some more inches off my hair this past week. It was feeling too boring and if it wasn't blown and ironed perfectly, just looked bad.

So my hair lady put in a bunch of layers and shattered the ends and it's so much lighter and fun. Plus it's now so much faster to blow-dry and easier to curl.

 

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On Saturday night, T and I did an overnight getaway in town. My mom and dad offered as a way to get their sea legs before we're gone for a week in June. 

Ezra and Iris had a HORRIFIC night on Friday night (so much restlessness), so I was worried that would happen on my parent's watch. It didn't and everything went swimmingly and T and I ate room service breakfast.

 

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Recipes. So the crockpot cheese tortellini was good in the moment, but there were a lot of leftovers and no one wanted to eat them. Telling.

Tonight I'm going to make chicken sour cream enchiladas...but not skinny. FULL FAT, YO.

You know how I feel about fat free whatnot. 

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Sometimes I randomly get a craving for a corn dog. 

 

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I am over winter.

Tonight on the way home from school, Ezra asked, "When is it going to be warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm?"

Good question.

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What are your random tidbits?

 

Let's get crackin'

I have had a bee in my bonnet about our house for the last month or so. Maybe because things are quieter at home Iris-wise. Maybe because we haven't tackled a project or sprucing up in damn near forever. Maybe because the house is looking a little "hit." Regardless, I have decided that T and I need to get crack a lackin'.

So I mentally went room to room and made a ginormous punch list of everything that needs to be done--big and small. We're talking everything from "Spruce up paint" to "Restain window sills" and everything in between. 

This weekend I decided to tackle the ugly-ass cords in our bedroom and Iris' room and re-do the mantle in the living room.

For the cords, I went to Lowe's and bought some of these. 

But in white

The very tattooed and bald headed Lowe's employee told me I could cut them with utility scissors, but I didn't have time for all that so I used our kitchen scissors. He also talked to Ezra for some time about Ezra's chocolate chip muffin that he was destroying in that particular aisle.

The cord covers worked out great (once I figured out how to get them apart and damn near ruined my manicure while doing so) and they stick to the baseboards like a son of a gun via an adhesive strip on the back. I had my doubts about the stick-ability versus the springiness of the extension cord I was trying to reign in and hide--but it's staying put. Holla.

Cords hidden!

I then went on to liven up our living room mantle. I saw this on Pinterest...

Via

...and thought that was something I could maybe do with things I maybe have home.

Now listen, I'm kind of one to either be in awe or call "BS!" on the whole Decorate With Things You Have Around Your Home! I don't have lots of Stuff, I hate clutter, and if I'm not using it? I'll probably donate it. So I had some doubts that the mantel could change.

The mantel in our living room feels big--it's maybe six or seven feet long--and we've kept it relatively simple. The white candle holders and urns are from Pottery Barn maybe seven years ago or so.

Mantel Before:

Mantel After:

It took a couple of re-workings and I'm not 100% sold. Maybe because it's not quite right or maybe because it feels more full--I'm not sure. Your thoughts?

Mantel Closer:

I reused the white candle holder and urn on either side. The picture of Ezra and Iris are from another table in the living room. The oil painting is one my dad did (that he hates) that I found in the basement. The little bird was on a different side table. The basket held the cards from our wedding and I also found that in the basement. The little yellow bird is made of ivory and from India. The metal and wood elephant was a wedding gift and I think we registered for it at Pier One.

Next weekend will bring even more projects. 

Ole!

My loves

FYI: soon I will be on "60 Minutes" in my capacity as super sleuth.

Awhile ago I wrote about a character at my local Starbucks that I called the "Incognito Ass Kicker." My friend R and I have since renamed him "Military Man" and we text each other whenever we spot him (kind of like a yeti).

He continues to look like he could hand out lollipops and ass whuppins and is mostly very stony-faced. His is, however, very nice to kids and often will try to engage Iris and Ezra in conversation, but I'm pretty sure that he scares the pants off Ezra.

Today I had the opportunity to sit next to him and, oh, it may have looked like I was reading my book but I most certainly was not. 

Evidence: the text exchange between R and myself.


Me: Killing time at Starbucks before an appt for Iris and am sitting next to Military Man at the big table. He's kind of a flirty flirtenstein.

R: Haha!! You guys are going to be besties!

Me: Snort. He could be like befriending the beefy 5th grader on the playground to keep one's 2nd grade self safe.

R: Exactly! A powerful ally!

Me: Pre-cisely.

Me: Oh for the love of pete...Military Man is showing his friends his KNIFE.

R: Yikes!!! Inappropriate! Will he pull out a gun next. You know he has to have one. Scary!

Me: INDONESIAN FIGHTING KNIFE.

R: Ridiculous!!!

Me: And he just called Barack Obama "Barry." Oh, Military Man.

R: Noooooo!!!

Me: Yes, R. Things are going down hill fast here. I have found out too much.

R: You've officially seen behind the curtain!!!

Me: Bwahhaaaaa!

R: It surprises me that he feels free to talk so openly.

R: Anyone could be listening. And texting her friend!!

Me: Haaaaa! You're making me laugh.

Me: And he also laughs...IN THE FACE OF FEAR.

R: Next time I see him in there, I'm going to start talking to the barista about my 'Indonesian fighting knife'!!

Me: Doooo iiiit.

R: I will!! Whole elaborate story, I'll even see about working in a reference to someone named Barry!

Me: And I think he likes a lady fast with the quips. You're going to be SO in; folded into the inner camp.

R: Or I will just look him in the eyes and say quietly, "Indonesian Fighting Knife" and see what he does!

Me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

R: This is amazing! Excellent recon work Agent K!

Me: No problemo

R: : )

Upping my game in the Valentine department

Lord knows I'll take a shortcut on something if at humanly possible. I mean, I'll feed my kids (well, "kid" since Iris doesn't eat it) McDonald's. We haven't done a house improvement project in forever. I don't bake from scratch. Pulling my hair back into a ponytail is sometimes a lifeline in the morning. 

Sometimes all of this shortcutting makes me feel lazy and that I'm short shrifting Ezra and Iris in ways that they'll notice later and feel robbed of. I don't know. I'm not one to give into "mommy guilt" (I really hate the word "mommy" when used by adults) as I know I haul buns in lots of other ways, but still. 

At any rate, I thought that maybe this year for Valentine's Day I could up my game. And so I decided to do something like this for the kids in Ezra and Iris' classroom.

Via

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the printable to work from her site, so I had to make my own in Word which worked out fine.

I uploaded the file to the FedEx Office website since there is a location near my work. They printed it on card stock and! cut each one out for me. Sweet. My scissor skillz leave much to be desired. Not that a bunch of three and four year olds would notice, but I have my pride. 

Ezra and I went to Target last weekend and picked out Matchbox cars. It was cheaper to buy the packs of five cars versus single cars. We skipped adding candy as originally pictured. 

I also bought ziploc baggies rather than craft baggies from the party store as I know those bad boys are going to get ripped open and left behind. No fancy vellum bags for you, suckas.

As it is, this cost more than I maybe anticipated. Mostly due to there being 20 kids on Ezra's class roster (most of them are part-time, but the teacher asked people to make a Valentine for everyone which I totally don't have a problem with) and then 14 on Iris' class roster (again, some are part-time). So yeah--almost 35 kids.

I spent maybe 43.00 on the cars (8 boxes holding five cars at 5.29 a box). About 13.00 on the printouts from FedEx Office. Maybe 2.00 on the ziploc baggies. So more expensive than a box of Valentine's from the store, but I'm actually kind of excited to have Iris and Ezra hand these out. Also, Ezra was super jazzed about this and Iris loooooves a toy car, so that makes this worth it. 

Things I have a beef with

Here is a list, in no particular order, of things that I have a beef with.

I'm sure I've provided you with such a list before...oh, look just back in December...oh well..., but in case you've forgotten or are new here and are wondering what exactly gets me het up.

K's Beeves

1. People who are mean. There is absolutely no need for meanness. Sarcasm? Always. Being a dick? Never. And, oh, there is a difference.
2. People who tailgate (while driving) (not the partying-in-your-car people. You go on with your badself, parking lot partier.). I will tap on my brakes to make you recognize.
3. Restaurants that charge additional money for extra salad dressing. I get that it costs you more, Cheap Ass Restaurant, to provide me with extra of something that you had to pay for yourself, but I am pro-Ranch and happen to think that you overcharged me for that Diet Coke anyways. So there.
4. My inability to do math. I know that I'm horrible at it and yet I keep thinking one day that lack of skill will disappear...and yet no. It seems to be here to stay. Like a bad houseguest. But with numbers.

Unrelated to anything above and yet still pretty damn true.

What are your general, all-purpose beeves?

Random useless tidbits

There are some parts of Ezra that are still toddler-like. 

He has smooshy hands and still has dimples instead of knuckles. He says "rally-ollies" (raviolis), "bampire" (vampire) and "soupcase" (suitcase). 

Yesterday he told me that he is never going to get married because he wants to live with me always. This statement making me thankful that we have both a full basement or attic from which he can choose.

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Hmmmm...what else. Oh! In product world, I tried this and this and both were complete crap.

Chanel Le Volume
mascara

Neutrogena
Shine Control
Primer

So I'll read my Allure magazine, be interested in a product they rave about, put it on my Amazon Wish List so that I remember it, then I eventually order it.

Anyway, the Shine Control Prime did anything BUT control shine. I was an oily mess. And the mascara flattened out the curl from my lashes and made them spiky. Thankfully, I had only ordered the sample size of the mascara from Amazon so I wasted ten dollars instead of forty. What the fresh hell, Chanel?  No bueno.

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I continue to adore microdermabrasion, but I know you all were on the edge of your seats about that.

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I've been on a new recipe bender the last few weekends and I'm hitting about a 50% success rate with the fam. 

For the record books--

Thumbs up:
Mini bacon egg cups
Mexican stuffed shells

Thumbs down:
S'more cookie bars: absurdly rich and the freaking things stuck to the dish (even though I greased it up)
Another recipe I can't remember and that I also seem to have deleted from Pinterest. 

This weekend I'm making a crockpot cheese tortellini because, hello!, crockpot AND sausage AND creamy base is a winner in my book.

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I can't stop craving chicken fingers lately. It's an illness.

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What magazines do you have subscriptions to, either on an e-reader or in print? Are there any magazines that you buy at the store but don't have a subscription to?

I tried US Weekly on my Kindle Fire but the type was too tiny and making it larger then smaller was irritating so I bailed on it. I don't have a subscription to the print version, but I do buy it every week. I rarely buy People because I'm less Feel Good Stories and more Beach Bodies: Good and Bad.

I do have subscriptions to Real Simple and Allure. I used to have one to Parents but cancelled it because they weren't telling me anything I hadn't already discovered on my own. 

I renewed Allure, but may let Real Simple lapse. It's occasionally useful, but it mostly makes me feel inadequate and I can do that at a cheaper price than the renewal cost.

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What are your random bits?

Technique: she has it

So I never know what you all already know or even remotely remember about Iris' eating stuff. T and I think about it an inordinate amount of time because: a) we're responsible for her eating b) her eating is special and c) eating can be such a central focus point for one's life. 

Ask anyone who has done Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins, Whole 30, gone to a buffet, gone on vacation or even participated in Thanksgiving dinner. Food is central to so many of our social gatherings and what people talk about. You make someone's intake of food "different," and suddenly people notice it. 

I'm not sure I ever stopped noticing Iris' g-tube. Because when it was gone? I was relieved. Sometimes the looks she would get if we had to tube feed her in a restaurant were interesting. Or the questions in the locker room after we'd go swimming. People were curious. Mostly kind.

The same thing has gone for us feeding her. The protocol through the intensive feeding clinic for Iris was built on us feeding her. Starting from scratch and making it a habit of her accepting food from us on the spoon. It's strange for me now to remember that at a year old, Ezra mostly self-fed. Not well or very neatly, but he was doing it. When people saw us spoon feeding a two or three year old, there were looks. Did I really care what the nosey jack-offs thought? No. But looks are looks and I'm not immune to them

But what has happened in the last week is that Iris now self-feeds. At school. At home. If we even look sideways at her cup, she'll shout, "I DO IT!"

She's doing it and I really shouldn't have even expected anything less from her.

Rowdy post-nap hair. And some side-eye.

Can I get a thumbs up?

Thumbs up to:

• Ezra only fire hosing the unfortunate books at school on Wednesday and promptly getting it out of his system. He has been a-okay since. I don't know what the fresh hell that was about, but at least it's over.
• Freaking tasty wafers.

• Iris' tendency to throw out a stiff arm and an open hand and say, " 'TOP IT! 'TOP IT!" if she wants you stop doing something. Or anything.
• We made it through the month of January which I knewwwww was going to be nutty. Oh, I called it alright.
• Peanut M&Ms.
• Highly anticipating sheets, wafers (see above) and a new book tonight. I'm working my way through the Tom Ripley series by Patricia Highsmith.
• Sally O'Malley. Always.

via

To what do you offer a thumbs up?