Break time

I'm taking a break from the exceedingly boring work that is preparing for a class lecture and decided to get a few laughs from Texts from Last Night.

Occasionally, I and another co-worker will huddle in my office and wet our drawers over the more inappropriate ones.

Ones that made me laugh this morning:


(631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

(802): and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college
(1-802): not the response he usually gets im sure.

(480): Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.

(270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

(253): I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

(310): four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.

(646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

(518): apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party

(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

(201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

(313): awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport

(315): a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"

(978): i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear


Feel free to now carry on with your day...