"If I were rich, I'd have someone turning those pages for me and then my pictures of Zoe Saldana in Dolce and Gabbana would not be smeared with chicken salad."
Of course, such a Rich Person Thing sounds utterly ridiculous even to me but my thoughts totally snowballed as I ate my sandwich (with bacon!). Suddenly, there were lots of things, both kinda practical and mostly asinine, that I'd be having done for me if I was rich.
They are, in no particular order of importance:
- Parallel park for me
- Make me yellow cake cupcakes with chocolate frosting on a moments notice and only allow me to have one
- Bring me nicely grilled steaks--medium well, please--that are cut up in bite sized chunks with a dab of A1 on each individual piece
- Cut up and peel fruit
- Attend stupid work meetings in my place and be assertive where/when needed
- Figure out the science behind teleporting and make it work for my family only
- Remind me to get my bikini line waxed on a more regular basis
- Be a non-creepy babysitter so that T and I can go out on dates
- Take the seeds out of watermelon--even the reportedly seedless ones that TOTALLY haves seeds (I SO see you, seeds!)
- Teach Iris that eating is lots o' fun and cool to do
What are your Ridiculous Rich Person requests?
13 comments:
Oh, I'd totally have a night nanny so I'd never have an interrupted night's sleep again. (I'm looking at you, 11 month old son who still doesn't sleep through the night.)
I'd also have someone regularly wash and vacuum my car.
I'm with you on the cutting up/peeling of fruit. I HATE that job and I'm jealous that my family can just open the fridge there's fruit! Ready and waiting to be eaten! As if by MAGIC!
Non-fruit-appreciating bastards.
I want a hair and make-up lady. And wardrobe.
Yeah, I'm in LA.
I would have someone text for me while I drive my super fast car.
I'd want someone to do my laundry so that there were never ever any dirty clothes in our house.
And to pick out my clothes in the morning for me.
And someone to make breakfast and coffee for us each morning.
And someone to remind me to defrost meat for dinner. Or to anticipate my needs and just do it for me.
Oh and to change diapers, especially in the middle of the night. I don't might getting up to feed the baby but changing her diaper makes me cranky.
I would spend all my money on a maid. That's all I ask.
Someone to iron all our clothes and hang them up/fold and put away in a Real Simple-esque fashion so it looks nice.
Someone to wash my face at night when I'm too tired/lazy to.
Hair and make-up person 24-7.
Personal chef.
Someone to stay on top of the tupperware drawer and buddy up all the lids to the containers and toss ones that don't have a partner.
At home mani/pedis. YES.
Someone to paint the rooms in our house that just KNOWS the EXACT PERFECT COLOR so we wouldn't have to go through THAT living hell of selecting the right paints.
Someone to always keep an eye on the gas tank and fill it when it hits 1/4 full and to TOTALLY know the cheapest place in the area to get it. (Same with diapers and wipes--always make sure those are stocked too)
I'd have a night nanny too, to snuggle the boys and stay awake all night while they 'snuggle' with their feet, and fists. . . and someone to lobby the govt for my concerns.... (i've heard it can be done... ) and a driver, yes, a driver. ah, the insanity...
Someone to go to the dentist for me and floss my teeth. Also someone on 24/7 toilet paper duty so I never sat down to find no paper. A make-up and hair person would also be nice.
*Start my car each morning. And if it's Winter clean off the snow.
*Return the pop cans.
*Refill the toilet paper and kleenex box, as needed.
Rub my feet every single night.
Create detailed reports of my favorite shows so I can decide how to prioritize what I watch.
We have had this conversation frequently in the Red Door house.
We would have a housecleaner who would watch for us to leave and then come over and DEEP DEEP clean and then scurry out right before we got home.
We would have a cook who would make a lovely array of delicious food and serve it to us but never speak to us or acknowledge us and then would clean everything up and leave.
I would also rather like to have someone walk my dogs four times a day and clean up their poo.
Also, I'm with Samantha. I want someone to wash my face and night and later it up with nice potions for maximum fabulous complexion enjoyment.
That is all.
A personal shopper. I want to be someone's doll. That sounds way dirtier than what I mean.
A nanny. I like working; I think I still would work. But I don't want to be interrupted with sick kids.
someone that puts my groceries away. But cuts up all fruit and vegies, portions the meat, etc. before storing in the fridge/freezer
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