Who knew.

I think one of the things that has surprised me the most about how I have decided to parent Ezra (although, this applies to Iris as well) is that in particular circumstances I am not bothered when Ezra has chosen to use his hands instead of his words.

Daycare-turned-preschool was big on "Use your words!" and being an early and very articulate communicator, this message for how to handle himself with his peers and teachers worked really well for Ezra. T can communicate his feelings in a very skilled way and lord knows I love to talk about my own thoughts and feelings, so it has been our model at home as well.

Then in the second week of kindergarten Ezra was sent to the principal's office for pushing two classmates. Holy crud seriously with the principal's office in kindergarten, child? We talked about it at home that evening and Ezra shared that two boys from his class were teasing him and following him around the playground. They did not listen to his words to stop or leave him alone so he shoved them down to the ground. They were upset by this and so cue a trip to the principal's office.

In that instance, I reminded Ezra that he did the right thing with telling them repeatedly to leave him alone; that he "used his words." I reminded him that he can always talk to an adult at school if someone is bothering him. That an adult will intervene. I did not articulate that I was okay him pushing them down because they wouldn't listen, but inside I wasn't ruffled at all.

Today Ezra's teacher let me know that a fellow classmate was being "annoying" (her words after Ezra described the event to her; she did not witness what was happening until after the fact) and chasing Ezra and bothering him on the playground and that in attempt to get it to stop, that Ezra swung at him but did not make contact. 

Ezra saw his teacher talking to me at school pick-up and, boy howdy, he knew what it was about. He cried in the car. He told me that Jacob wouldn't leave him alone and kept chasing him with the basketball and wouldn't listen. Again, we talked about just telling an adult, his teacher, when that happens again. That they will step-in.

Here's my thing, though: in both those instances, and I have to believe that this will be his future inclination as well, Ezra did what he knew--for the most part--to get away from the hassle. Taking a swing was his last resort. Taking a swing should always be your last resort.

I also want my children (and this is where it applies to Iris as well) (oh, raising a girl makes me nervous in this regard) to know that they can protect their bodies and their persons with whatever means necessary when their gut tells them to. Someone gets too close and doesn't listen to your words? Take action. Someone is threatening and no adult is around? Take action. I support that. 

I do not support taking a swing at someone because they snatched your blue crayon (problems now) or accidentally dinged your car door with theirs (problems later).

So it's a fine line and one I'm trying to straddle delicately (T and I are on the same page, by the way). It's getting easier as Ezra gets older and I further see what a solid spirit he has with kindness and what his tendencies are for handling situations. I hope to be able to delicately explain how to protect himself but also be diplomatic.