I had an internal tough love with myself yesterday: am I not pursuing these because I'm scared and have turned rather soft at home with not having to juggle work and home? or am I not pursuing them because it doesn't yet feel like good timing?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's a tidgy bit of fear with the strong gut feeling that, no, the timing isn't right or even close to right quite yet.
I want another summer with the kids--just them and me. I don't yet want to worry about interviewing and finding a babysitter with availability for random daytime and possible evening hours. I don't yet want to worry about before and after school care at two different schools. I don't need to work right now, so why not take a hot minute?
So I delete the job postings and hope/trust that opportunities present themselves when I'm ready. The good thing about living where we are now, is that there are a greater number of libraries and library districts. In Old Town, not so much.
We shall see.
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Ezra has been wearing his AFOs (aka "leg supporters") for almost two months now and has adjusted marvelously. I have not written about them here, but they are intended--along with a round of PT that he completed--to help correct his toe walking.
Background: Ezra started toe walking around four years old--kind of out of the blue. I thought it was due to creaky hardwood floors or even cold floors. But it continued and progressed and soon he was even doing it in his shoes. A visit to his pediatrician this past fall and then a pediatric neurologist and an MRI and blood draws ruled out some intimidating things (which I frankly tried to not think about the what-ifs--why get het up so soon) and so AFOs and physical therapy were prescribed.
I ordered him a whole new batch of socks and three new pairs of shoes--Crocs to wear in the house, slip-ons and tennis shoes--that would be large enough and comfy enough to accommodate the AFO gear. It took twelve pairs from Amazon before I figured out the size and style that would work best.
Ezra has been a champ about the entire process. He eased into wearing them. The school secretary helped him out in the early days at school as he was taking them off and on to put on his boots (they wouldn't fit in his boots) for recess. He now wears them about 12 hours a day and when he takes them off is walking flat-footed about 50% of the time. I'm glad they're working.
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I have gotten myself off the venti coffees and now only have an iced tea or two during the day. And iced tea with Splenda, no less. Not even with that tasty Classic syrup Starbucks uses.
It feels like a good change. I don't miss it, I don't feel exhausted and I sure as hell hope the lack of animal fat and sugar is making my pants happier.
I also have been doing some classes at the Y. Not only for Happier Pants but also to meet people. Slow and steady, I guess.
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I need a pedicure.
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We are taking a family vacation this summer as I fiiiiinally feel ready to travel with the small fries. I have confidence that it won't be a shitstorm of potty training and special food needs and missed naps because we don't do those things anymore. Holla! They are so excited and, oh, they love the beach and ocean so much.
Of course, Ezra's first question was, "Will Taco come with us? Won't she be lonely if she stays at home?" Taco is going to a kitty hotel and is going to be a-okay, buddy.
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A picture that always makes me laugh:
11 comments:
I need a pedicure too.
Where ya going on vacation?
I miss you, friend. That is all.
I'm so glad Ezra's AFO's are helping!!
When you write like this, you remind me of my favorite aunt. She and my mom & I lived together after my parents got divorced, Mom was 24, I was 5, and she was like 21? 22? OMG that is a WEIRD thing to think about. Anyway, she has this lovely way of communicating. Very deliberate, and full of connecting phrases like "Can I share something?" it's very sweet and I always feel like what she is telling me is valuable, even when the story is about how her son is thrilled to be the camp counselor who gets to cover his face in shaving cream and lets the campers throw fruit loops at it, or when she talks about the grants that she has approved for NIH for marijuana because it is FULL of pretty powerful antioxidants, you know. Girlfriend has BEEN through some THINGS and is so full of grace, knows that you just gotta roll with some things, and laugh when you can, so might as well go out for some nachos.
I heard someone once put parenting into perspective by saying "you only have ten more summers with you child as a child" so delete away!
Also, glad to hear about the shoes and supporters! What a champ!
It was so hard for me to give into the "staying home" and feeling good about it. Took me close to a year...and I still doubt it sometimes...but it is a good choice for us. It's just hard to not make any money for the family.
Those supports and the stretching PT are amazing! My niece had a stroke at age 1 and toe-walks on her affected side (other than that issue she is almost fully recovered) and even I can see the difference from when she is wearing the brace/doing her stretches and when she is not.
The opportunities will DEFINITELY present themselves when you're ready. Take it from me--I've had 6 jobs in less than 10 years.
I'll be moving far far away (to live with the husband) at the end of the year and I'm already panicking about getting a job....and this first part helped me realize that, actually, I *do* have the ability (and we have the financial stability) to wait to find the right job instead of the first job. Deep breaths.
xox
I'm missing this blog.:-(
Not sure if you still get these comments, but I really miss your blogging! Hope all is well with you and yours.
I am impressed by your dedication to finding what works best for Ezra.
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